Tom Hiddleston is King of the Internet (And My Heart)

Triple Scoop Reviews: A Wrinkle in Time, Kong: Skull Island, and Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

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A Wrinkle In Time

First Watch or Rewatch: First Watch
Amazon, Netflix, Hulu, or Other: Netflix
Spoilers: Yes
Grade: Vanilla

I absolutely fell in love with A Wrinkle in Time when I was eleven, but it’s not a particularly easy story to adapt. Like, it’s a SFF children’s book from the early 1960’s that’s heavy on the Christianity, complicated mathematics, weird aliens, and Love; it’s peculiar, is what I’m getting at, and when it comes to kids movies, I feel like Hollywood is often afraid of any real peculiarity. The 2003 TV film adaptation is particularly generic, just utterly lifeless. Ava DuVernay’s 2018 film is, thankfully, a billion times better than that, but I do think it has some issues. Pacing, for one (Charles Wallace’s possession goes far too fast for my liking), but more importantly, I find the movie both visually and tonally disjointed, almost like two different adaptations being sewn together. Neither is bad, exactly, but together, I don’t think they work nearly as well as they could.

For instance, at several points, A Wrinkle in Time does look and sound like what I’d expect from a more generic fantasy film aimed at kids. Some of the dialogue is very on the nose, particularly in regards to love–although considering the source material, that’s not exactly surprising. (This is very much a Power of Love story.) Some of the CGI isn’t great, particularly when Mrs. Whatsit turns into a giant flying leaf-thing, and that whole filler flying sequence with the kids? I don’t know, it feels very . . . expected? Obligatory? I wasn’t crazy about the scene where Meg and Calvin run from the tornado-earthquake thing, either, although I do love that Meg’s the one who figures out how to survive. Also, Mrs. Which’s makeup and especially eyebrows strike me as comical, but, like, not in a good way? (Admittedly, that could just be personal taste, and happily, I have nothing but positive things to say about Mrs. Who’s hair and costumes. They are delightful.)

The thing is, I was okay with most of that because this is a kids movie, and it’s supposed to appeal to them, not my cranky ass old self–but then there are these gorgeous scenes that feel much more sophisticated, like when Meg uses Mrs. Who’s glasses to find her way to the invisible staircase or when Meg finally successfully tessers home. It’s not that these scenes are inappropriate for a kids movie, far from it. But they definitely feel like they belong in a different one: there are these incredibly compelling moments, both visually and narratively, but they feel extremely disconnected when compared to scenes like Kids Whee Around Whilst Atop Lousy CGI Creature.

I do think many of the modern updates and source material deviations work quite well. Updating Mrs. Who’s Big Book of Quotations to include Hamilton is a particularly inspired choice. (And pretty cool for me, personally, as I’d literally just seen the play for the very first time that night.) I miss Aunt Beast, of course, but I completely understand the exclusion of Sandy and Dennys. It’s also pretty great that the Murrays are a multiracial family, and that Meg–brilliant and angry and caring and insecure–is a very fully realized protagonist whose ethnicity is always a part of her characterization but never the only defining factor. I love watching her progress from someone who doesn’t like herself to someone who can acknowledge her strengths and flaws, who can stand up and say she’s worthy of love. My personal favorite microcosm of this is watching Meg finally accept a compliment about her hair. It’s a wonderfully empowering moment, and if I think that as an adult white woman, I can’t imagine how much it might mean to a young black girl.

Storm Reid is excellent in the role: the scene where she first reunites with Chris Pine–also excellent–is particularly well done. I enjoy Oprah Winfrey, Mindy Kaling, and Reese Witherspoon, too, although 11-Year-Old Carlie is a bit disappointed with how Mrs. Whatsit’s attitude towards Meg has become so disapproving that it borders on adversarial, like, no, she’s nice; she’s a self-sacrificing, exploded star! (This is exactly the sort of thing I mean about Hollywood eliminating weirdness.) Thematically, though, the switch-up definitely works for this particular adaptation, even if it gets a bit repetitive for my tastes.

All in all, I like A Wrinkle in Time and suspect I would’ve loved it as a kid, which is obviously the most important thing. I just can’t shake the feeling that overall, it’s a B movie which easily, easily could have been an A.

Kong: Skull Island

First Watch or Rewatch: First Watch
Amazon, Netflix, Hulu, or Other: Amazon
Spoilers: Definitely
Grade: Strawberry

So, this was okay. I might’ve liked it more if I had some nostalgia to pull from, but I didn’t grow up watching any of the King Kong movies. As is, I think this one has a great cast and a strong start but a much weaker second half.

What delighted me about Skull Island is that, initially, it almost felt like a heist movie. You know, it had that whole “let’s get the crew together” segment where we’re introduced to all our main players–and a surprising number of them really felt like characters who could easily serve as protagonists. Like, Corey Hawkins is not just the lead scientist but also our introduction to the main story. Tom Hiddleston is the smooth, ex-military tracker extraordinaire. (And, you know. Tom Hiddleston.) Brie Larson is, well, the Girl (she’s a photojournalist and spunky!), while Toby Kebbel is easily the most well-drawn of the good guy soldiers, the only one who doesn’t feel like a red shirt waiting to happen. It’s fun because it really gives you a sense of “oh shit, who’s gonna make it out of this alive,” which doesn’t always happen with action movies.

And some of the action itself is pretty great. The scene where King Kong just starts killing the shit out of the helicopters left and right is crazy fun. There’s a lot of amusing dialogue, mostly from those soldiers I mentioned, and even the blatant implausibility of this island is kinda delightful. Like, an absolutely ludicrous storm-shield? Sure, why not?

But Skull Island heavily starts falling apart for me as soon as John C. Reilly comes into the picture. Which bums me out because I like Reilly in plenty of things, but the choice here to play this traumatized WWII pilot who’s been stuck on this island for almost 30 years as “hilariously loopy” is, IMO, a pretty poor one. Another poor choice is killing the Japanese pilot offscreen so that only the white dude gets to speak Japanese and wield a katana. Like, come on, dudes. It doesn’t help that the indigenous, non-white people who live on this island don’t talk, like, at all; instead, it’s Reilly’s character who provides all the exposition, which a) not great, and b) is way too lengthy. All the time we spend on this guy is time I’d rather be spending on the other less frustrating characters.

Because that’s my other big problem here: after such a promising start, most of the cast is stuck with almost nothing to do. Killing off Toby Kebbel so early could work–like, shit, I expected him to make it to the third act, at least–but then Corey Hawkins completely fades away into the background, leaving us with only Hiddleston and Larson as our protagonists, and they are Nilla Wafer bland, like, the script just gives them nothing. Meanwhile, Samuel L. Jackson’s turn to the Ahab Dark Side is . . . fine, I guess, but what could’ve been a good-if-expected arc ends up so damn cheesy, particularly considering the many, many slow-mo shots of his Vengeance Eyes.

A few more random notes:

A. Seriously, the slow-mo in this movie is ridiculous. I outright laughed when I definitely wasn’t supposed to.

B. A lot of this music is my jam, but man, this is a soundtrack that really, really wants you to remember this movie is set in the 1970’s. Honestly, I think the only surprise here is that Edwin Starr’s “War” doesn’t pop up.

C. Brie Larson’s character may be a walking Nilla Wafer with a camera, but boy, does she have some of the best reaction faces while King Kong is murdering all the helicopters. Side note: you can always tell if a helicopter will explode upon crashing based on which cast members are sitting inside it.

D. Finally, one positive thing I will say about Skull Island is that a few characters live who I definitely thought were toast. Three of the soldiers (the young guy, the funny guy, and Pillboi from The Good Place) all make it, as well as Corey Hawkins and the Asian biologist/only other woman on the expedition. (It’s a pretty minor win, though, considering how little she actually does in this movie.) Shea Whigham, sadly, does not, because I don’t think he’s ever survived anything I’ve seen him in. (His death is especially sad here, since he goes for a self-sacrifice moment that 100% fails to work.) And Marc Evan Jackson–also from The Good Place–was clearly doomed for death the moment he expressed his shock that famous photojournalist Mason Weaver was, gasp, a woman–but even he managed to surprise me by just how ludicrously dumb his death was, like, rather than go with Tom Hiddleston’s group trying to get off the island, he instead goes with the soldiers who are planning to directly confront King Kong. Like, what? What? WHAT?

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

First Watch or Rewatch: First Watch
Amazon, Netflix, Hulu, or Other: Netflix
Spoilers: Only mild ones
Grade: Chocolate

Yes, I have finally watched Into the Spider-Verse, and loved it, thank God. I did not want to be the asshole writing about what a letdown it was. ItSV is funny and clever and moving without ever being cloying. It was pretty awesome to finally get a Spider-Man movie not starring Peter Parker, and of course, we got several Spider-Man iterations here: Gwen Stacey is fun, and Peter B. Parker and Spider-Man Noir just crack me up. (Spider-Ham is amusing, too, in a cracktastic, “wow, you really went there” sort of way.) But Miles Morales, especially, just makes for a great lead, not to mention it’s pretty cool to hear him speak Spanish while just going about his day. With the exception of Xhosa in Black Panther, I feel like it’s rare to hear superheroes on the big screen speak anything other than English. Fictional alien languages, sure, but the second most commonly spoken language in this country? Not so much.

My only real problem with this movie is the barrage of tubby jokes at Peter B. Parker’s expense. I don’t know that it bothers me as much as Fat Thor in Endgame, but I’m honestly not sure why: the basic joke, after all (a hero gains a bunch of weight after his life goes to shit, and everyone cracks wise about it for the next two hours), is pretty much the same. Is it because this is a cartoon, a medium where I’ve just become numb to the rampant fat phobia? Is it because I didn’t see this in theater with a bunch of strangers chuckling around me while I tried to melt into my chair? Or am I simply giving Into the Spider-Verse a little more leeway because I just like the film more? One way or another, though, I was disappointed with this aspect of the film.

Other than that, I really loved this movie. The animation, of course, is just outstanding, imaginative and innovative and so, so colorful. And there were all these little moments I really enjoyed, like the scene where Miles gets ready to jump off a high-rise, then abruptly runs downstairs and finds a much shorter building to practice from? That shit cracked me up. I thought the scene where Miles’s Dad talks to him through his bedroom door was well-done, too, not to mention all the various “get up” moments. And, of course, the whole soundtrack, up to and very much including “Spidey-Bells (A Hero’s Lament).”

It is my favorite. Chris Pine is kinda my favorite. I have listened to this song, like, A LOT.

Coming Soon-Ish: Blondes, Clowns, and Apocalypses (Including Ragnarok!)

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Thor: Ragnarok

You’ve all seen this, of course. The whole teaser is fun, like, there’s so much going on: holy shit Mjolnir, and all the goddamn iconic hats and headpieces, and the teeny-tiny glimpses of Idris Elba and Karl Urban. Not to mention, I can’t decide who I’d rather cosplay: Cate Blanchett, Cate Blanchett, or Jeff Goldblum.

But it’s Thor’s absolutely perfect reaction to seeing Hulk in the ring that completely sold me on this movie. I figured I’d probably watch it in theaters, having seen the prior two Thor movies there . . . but I wasn’t particularly excited about it. Now I’m like, “Wait, HOW long do I have to wait for this movie? I NEED JOY IN MY LIFE.”

Atomic Blonde

Speaking of joy in my life.

This trailer looks immensely fun. Beating someone in the back of a car with a shoe really oughta be on my list of life goals. There are so many awesome looking fight scenes here, and Charlize Theron seems particularly badass. I’m all for her and James McAvoy having a comedic dynamic, but I’m really hoping it doesn’t actually take a romantic turn: she seems way too badass for him, and I’m much more interested in the Atomic Blonde/French Operative ship. (Please don’t actually die in that scene where it totally looks like you die, Sofia Boutella.)

I could definitely watch this one in theaters. It looks pretty great.

The Hitman’s Bodyguard

Warnings: Red-band trailer, mostly for a bunch of curse words that I’m absolutely sure you’ve never heard or spoken yourself before.

This is . . . interesting. It appears someone had the idea to pair Peak Samuel L. Jackson with Peak Ryan Reynolds and wrap them together with Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You” from The Bodyguard. It’s . . . actually kinda spectacular, really, although I’m probably only so-so on the trailer itself. Some of the jokes made me laugh (particularly at “I hope they kill him; I really do” and “this guy single-handedly ruined the word ‘motherfucker'”), but I’m not entirely convinced that the joke won’t run out of steam in the first 20 minutes. Interested, but probably as a rental.

IT

On first blush, it looks pretty decent. Hard to judge Pennywise, considering he doesn’t actually talk in this clip. I don’t mind them going a more traditionally scary clown route–like, you aren’t going to surpass Tim Curry, so don’t even try to imitate him–but Pennywise absolutely must have an actual personality, so it can’t all be dark makeup and super quick monster crawls in the sewers. Little Georgie’s pretty creepy, though.

One way or another, I’ll see this. It is my favorite Stephen King novel (except for, you know, THE SCENE) and I get endless joy out of how simultaneously both brilliant and atrocious the 1990 miniseries is. But I’m not quite pumped about this just yet. Mostly, I wanna compare the terrible adults from the miniseries to the adults in this remake . . . but sadly, I won’t get to for a while, since we’re saving them for the sequel, a decision I completely understand but am a little bit disappointed by regardless.

Finally . . . The Bad Batch

I have virtually no idea what the hell this is about, but it’s colorful and weird and I’m interested. (I still need to watch A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night. I’m so behind on all the must-see horror films.) I don’t think I know the actress playing the MC, but I do recognize Jason Momoa and Keanu Reeves and Giovanni Ribisi, and hey apparently Diego Luna’s in here somewhere, and–holy shit, that’s Jim Carrey?!

Meanwhile, IMDb is giving me this synopsis: “a dystopian love story in a Texas wasteland and set in a community of cannibals.”

Yeah. I can’t pretend I’m not curious.

MEGA Coming Soon-Ish: Not-So-Live From Comic Con

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It’s been years since I’ve gone to Comic Con. I’m always deeply envious when it’s going on, but luckily, the internet provides some of the shiny without me having to get up at the crack of dawn for a 5:00pm panel in Hall H.

Here are a bunch of trailers that came from San Diego’s massive annual nerd convention.

Justice League

I did not like Man of Steel. I did not like Batman v Superman. But God help me, Justice League actually looks pretty fun so far.

I mean, I’m not totally getting my hopes up. It’s super early days and, to my eternal disappointment, Zack Snyder is still at the helm. There is still the serious likelihood that this will be another stupidly angsty, convoluted mess.

But I actually liked Ben Affleck as Batman in BvS, and I really enjoy his chemistry with Gal Gadot. Ezra Miller is working for me, so long as they don’t push that whole awkward nerd thing too far into the ground. And Aquaman, naturally, looks all handsome and manly. Disappointingly, we don’t see much of Cyborg, but overall it’s not a terrible first look. If the movie can create interesting team dynamics and remember to actually be entertaining (and, you know, make sense), I could be into it.

Wonder Woman

And speaking of promising . . .

I have a lot more hope for Wonder Woman, although I have to say that if I don’t like it . . . I might not be going to see Justice League after all, cause, like, I’ve already given this franchise two chances and been pretty disappointed with both films. Fourth times the charm kind of isn’t a thing.

This trailer is decent. I don’t know if I’m totally wowed by it, but I am interested. I definitely liked that moment where Wonder Woman’s all, “What I do is not up to you.” YES. More of this, please. In fact, all of this.

I admit, I’m curious to how they’ll treat love interest Chris Pine: will he primarily function as a typical love interest, or will he get to do more just because he’s a guy? The latter would kind of annoy me, but so long as Wonder Woman’s motivation doesn’t solely revolve around him (and the movie doesn’t solely focus on leg shots), I could be into this. I desperately want it to be good, anyway, considering if it’s not, plenty of people won’t just consider it a bad superhero film. Rather, people will use it as “proof” that female-led superhero movies are terrible and don’t attract audiences. But we’ll have to wait a while to see how that turns out.

Doctor Strange

It’s interesting. I have the same casting problems that everyone has already mentioned, but . . . hot damn, are the visuals in this stunning.

I’m sure I’ll see this movie. It has a great cast, and it looks both beautiful and weird. Marvel meets Inception, you know? But as much as I love Benedict Cumberbatch and Tilda Swinton . . . I wish they weren’t in this particular story.

The LEGO Batman Movie

I’m still worried that this is going to be a one-joke story that can’t fill up a whole movie, but this latest trailer does make me smile. LIFE DOESN’T GIVE YOU SEAT BELTS. Although poor Robin. Someday, Robin will get to be cool on screen. You know, when Michael Cera isn’t the one voicing him.

Luke Cage

I don’t think I have anything to say to this but DAMN.

I’m into it. I’m definitely into it.

Legion

Er . . .

I honestly don’t really know what to make of that. I know I watch basically every superhero show on television, but TBH, I didn’t really have any plans to watch Legion. A show about Professor X’s abandoned son who thinks he’s schizophrenic? Eh, no. Not my thing. Still, I figured I’d check out the trailer at least, and now that I have, I feel like I should at least check out the pilot. I like the cinematography, anyway, and it certainly looks . . . interesting . . . although I do find Dan Stevens’s American accent a bit grating.

So, yeah, I’ll probably try it. It could be entertaining, but if the whole show is about Am I Crazy/Am I Not? Yeah, I’ll probably fall out of it pretty fast.

The Flash (Season 3)

So, now we know what Barry did to the timeline.

Is it wrong that I’m still hoping this is all resolved in two episodes max? This could be temporarily fun, but please, please say we aren’t stuck in Flashpoint all season long. RESURRECT THE HARRY AND CISCO SHOW. Cause, yeah, this isn’t fully doing it for me.

Arrow (Season 5)

Eh. I’m always hot and cold on Arrow, often within the same episode, but this trailer is leaving me pretty much just cold.

I’m not particularly interested in New Team Arrow. Curtis, yes. Curtis can always stay. But that other dude seems annoying, and the girl . . . well, let’s just say that Artemis was my absolute favorite in Young Justice (well, her and Robin, anyway), so I’m far more likely to be critical of her. If they screw up Artemis, I’m going to be deeply  unhappy, and if I’m being honest, I fully expect them to screw up Artemis. (Her background, for instance, is already completely wrong.) Not to mention, I’m not really looking forward to multiple scenes of Oliver screwing up as a superhero mentor and everyone threatening to leave him and blah blah blah. (I just assume.)

I’m still planning to watch, just . . . I don’t know how many more seasons of Arrow I have in me.

Kong: Skull Island

All right, I think we’ve finally gotten past the superhero stuff.

I’ve gotta admit: with a roster like Brie Larson, Tom Hiddleston, Samuel L. Jackson, and John Goodman, this certainly has the cast to beat. And I like the general look of the movie. Still, my interest is middling at the moment: a rental, probably, rather than a theater visit. The last Kong movie didn’t do a whole lot for me, and I worry about the predictability factor: right now I’m predicting Goodman dead, Samuel L dead, a bunch of extras/minor characters dead, and Brie Larson, Tom Hiddleston, and their probable UST alone surviving to tell the tale.

This could be totally wrong, of course–in fact, I hope it is–but if not, I’m already yawning.

Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them

So far, I haven’t been able to muster up much interest in this, despite how much I enjoyed both the Harry Potter books and movies. This trailer, though, is the first thing I’ve seen that makes me think, Okay, maybe I could check this out. On one hand . . . I kind of feel done with the HP universe, like, I love it, I’ll revisit it, I desperately want to go to Universal Studios and visit Diagon Alley–but I also don’t feel a lot of need to see prequels, sequels, side stories, etc. On the other hand, magic in this particular time period is always kind of fun, and I could enjoy this.

Although. I must say that while No-Maj didn’t bother me so much when I first read it . . . it’s kind of jarring to hear it out loud. It just really does not sound like American slang to me at all, and I hope that’s not a consistent problem throughout the film.

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword

Well, this looks about as ridiculous as you’d expect a Guy Ritchie version of King Arthur to be.

I have no real plans to see this anytime soon, but I’ve got to admit: the trailer with its anachronistic music, super fast action, and 110% Guy Ritchie-ness did make me smile. Of course, I’m not a purist: Arthurian mythology, on the whole, has never done much for me, so I totally don’t care that Guy Ritchie’s probably going to mess it all up. And the cast is sort of fun: along with Charlie Hunnam, Djimon Hounsou, and Evil Jude Law, we also have Littlefinger, Roose Bolton, and Morgana . . . although, sadly, I don’t think Katie McGrath is playing Morgana here. Still, the actual story itself makes me just kinda shrug. I doubt I’ll pay theater prices for the experience.

American Gods

Well, shit. It’d be really helpful if I had Starz, huh?

It’s been quite some time since I re-read it (I’m trying to decide if I want to do it again before the show or not), but I picked up American Gods when I was, oh, 18? And I adored it. I’m so excited to see it come to life as a TV show. This is a pretty promising first look, and I’m very hopeful. I mean, the cast alone . . . damn. There are a ton of great people in it, but I’m just dying over these pictures of Gillian Anderson as Media. SUCH a lady crush right now.

I desperately want this show to be as awesome as it sounds. Please be awesome, show. Please be awesome like I know you can be.

Teen Wolf (Season 6)

Well, my friends. We have our first look at our final season–Teen Wolf is saying goodbye to us with Season 6, and much as I love the show, it’s probably time. Here’s to hoping it can end on a good note. (It’s always so sad when shows can’t.)

It looks pretty cool. I like the idea of a Big Bad that abducts and erases people from all memory. The story is Stiles-centric, which obviously appeals to me. And the Sheriff doesn’t remember him? NOOOOOOO! On the downside, we lost Kira and got Theo in return? BOO. This is not a great trade, in my book.

And finally . . . Dirk Gently

Oh, this looks kind of fun.

I’ll admit, I’m getting a little tired of that one genius detective character who does whatever they want and suffers no ill consequences. Still, this definitely looks offbeat and I think I was pretty much sold when Elijah Wood screamed, “I am NOT your Watson, asshole!” Plus, it looks like there are some interesting side characters (I’m already intrigued by the one kickass black lady near the end of the trailer) and . . . is that Richard Schiff? Hey, it is! YAY!

This trailer doesn’t really jive with what little I remember from The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul, but it has been more than a decade since I read that book, so who knows. I’m sure I’ll try this one. I’m such a sucker for quirky detectives, although, historically, the weirder they are, the faster they get cancelled. (RIP forever, Terriers, The Unusuals, etc.)

Coming Soon-Ish: Peculiar Children, Biblical Epics, and LEGO BATMAN

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First, let me just go ahead and put this on the record: I absolutely refuse to watch a trailer for the deleted scenes of a movie, even if that movie is The Force Awakens. And no judgment on you if you did! Just, I can’t do it. I can’t. STOP TRYING TO OWN MY SOUL, STAR WARS.

Now. On to some other trailers.

Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children

I read this book, and it was one of those stories that I loved in concept but not quite in execution. When I heard Tim Burton was going to adapt it, I fully admit I groaned because I seriously doubted he would solve any of those execution problems for me. I used to love his movies, or at least be interested in them, but lately every time I watch a Tim Burton trailer, I feel like I’m getting something I’ve already gotten from him repeatedly, and I want something new. His recent work often seems like it’s trying too hard to be strange, and I feel like it’s lost the peculiar charm that his earlier movies held.

But I’ve got to admit: this trailer actually works pretty well for me. The visuals look lovely, not cartoonish. My inner child has been successfully summoned; it desperately wants to go to this odd house with all its weird and wonderful magic. (My inner horror movie enthusiast, meanwhile, would be horrified–the twins remind me way too much of the kid from El Orfanato.) I don’t know how good the movie will actually be, of course, but I’m far more interested than I was a month ago.

Ben-Hur

I’m going to admit something right now: I’ve never seen (nor particularly wanted to see) the original Ben-Hur. In fact, I virtually know nothing about it at all, like I could not have described even a basic plot synopsis for you before today. So, certainly, the levels of cinematic blasphemy on display in this trailer are going over my head, but even as its own independent feature, this just . . . looks bad. Like, really bad. It basically seems like a dumber version of Gladiator and, upon reflection, was Gladiator really all that bright? Think I’m going to pass on this one, and by pass, I mean hold it off with fire and my fingers making the sign of a cross.

The Nice Guys

Oh, this looks pretty fun. It wasn’t anywhere on my radar–I literally just clicked it because it was on a list of Most Recent Trailers–but I love offbeat funny PI stories, and I know from Kiss Kiss Bang Bang that Shane Black can make those stories sing. Plus, I generally enjoy Ryan Gosling, and–despite what this year’s Academy Award ceremony gave us–he looks to be pretty funny paired up with Russell Crowe. I’m definitely interested in checking this out.

The Lego Batman Movie

Originally, I had little interest in The Lego Movie and only saw it because I kept hearing such great things about it from virtually everybody. I found the movie delightful beyond any and all expectation, and Will Arnett’s Batman, of course, was one of the film’s many highlights. So I will undoubtedly watch this at some point (like I’ll watch basically anything that has ‘Batman’ in the title), but I can’t help but wonder if this particular version of Batman might work better in a team rather than headlining a movie? I’m just hoping it doesn’t become one of those 90-minute films that basically tells the same joke over and over again.

Then again, I just looked at the cast list and was like HELL YES when I saw Rosario Dawson was voicing Batgirl. And I did smile pretty much all throughout the trailer, even if I was like . . . wait, the Bat Computer talks? The Bat Computer is Siri? We better not be editing out Alfred for a poor man’s JARVIS, you bastards. (Luckily, I’ve since confirmed that we aren’t. Alfred will be voiced by Ralph Fiennes. I hope he’s deliciously snotty.)

High-Rise

This trailer came out a while ago, but I must have missed it the first time around. It looks intriguing. Basically Snowpiercer if it wasn’t on a train and had Loki instead of Captain America. The film looks gorgeous and the cast is spectacular, but I’m wondering if this is going to be one of those movies where I either despise everybody, or arrive at the end and wonder what the hell I even bothered watching it for.

Still. I’m curious about this one. I’d definitely like to see some reviews.

And finally, Dead7

The Syfy original Weird Western featuring basically every 90’s boy band vs various members of the undead that you didn’t know you wanted, needed, or could possibly exist on this Earth. Isn’t it glorious?

Coming Soon-Ish: Jem, Supergirl, Lucifer, and Legends

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Jem and the Holograms

Now, I didn’t actually watch the 80’s cartoon. My sister did, but I’m a few years too young for it. We did have some of dolls, though: Jem, Rio, and Storm — well, Stormer, I guess. We never called her that. Also, young, suave Rio in this movie is particularly hilarious to me, since our Rio was kind of an ugly doll with purple hair and no legs. In our Barbie games, he tended to be a villainous and/or scheming millionaire who would very often get murdered to start the plot. I was sure Google would help with the visual assist, but I can’t seem to find the dolls, or at least, not the right ones. Anyway, I didn’t think I really had any particular expectations for this movie — I certainly wasn’t expecting soapy murder mysteries with shocking death traps, sadly — but I guess I figured there’d be, like, holograms? The Misfits? Some kind of an action scene?

Instead, Jem and the Holograms appears to be a two hour version of “Don’t Speak” by No Doubt — or a remake of Josie and the Pussycats, but without Alan Cumming, Rosario Dawson, attempted murder, or subliminal messaging. Basically, it looks like suckiness. And I can’t help but be disappointed that the music isn’t, you know, even vaguely punk. I’m not saying I needed the Sex Pistols here. But this is just so . . .ugh.

Crimson Peak

I’m still not hugely interested in the plot of this one — newly married woman, duplicitous husband, spooky house, blah blah blahcakes — but I have to admit some of the shots look fantastic, and the fashion. I don’t even want to see this for Tom Hiddleston. I want to see this for Mia Wasikowska’s costumes. They’re so awesome. Pretty dresses and bloodshed. That’s what I’m interested in.

Although, honestly, I’d be at least 20% more excited about this movie if our heroine looked like she might actually have something of a personality instead of just being a terrorized blonde woman in a big white dress. That’s not a knock to Wasikowska, because I think she’s a hell of an actress. But if her character has actual character traits, and ones that aren’t, like, virtue . . . well. Let’s just say I’d be surprised.

Supergirl

I have incredibly mixed feelings about this.

People have been comparing this trailer to the Black Widow skit SNL recently did, and honestly, it’s not hard to see why. I automatically want to support any female-lead superhero show because I know so many women, myself very much included, who love superheroes and comic books and action movies, and it pisses me off that Hollywood won’t take us seriously. I want to be supportive, but in this new era of Superhero TV, I watch this trailer and think, “This isn’t what I want from a female superhero show. I want badass fight scenes, hard choices, interesting characters, explosions. I don’t want boy drama and lattes and oh, I can’t remember my name because you’re hot and I’m a girl, hee hee hee, whoops, look at me trip now.”

That all being said . . . what I want from a female-led superhero show probably isn’t what a Supergirl show should be about. Supergirl has, to my understanding, always been a considerably lighter character than many other DC players, and I genuinely like Kara’s enthusiasm here and how she pretty much embraces being different and powered and awesome. I like that she isn’t hiding her true nature from either her sister or best friend (although the nerdy BFF who has a crush on her — ugh, let’s drop him down a well), and there are a couple of moments that actually made me laugh. So, it’s not what I want, but that doesn’t make it bad. Not yet, anyway.

I will probably give Supergirl a try. But if they actually use that terrible, “This is My Fight Song,” in the show itself, I will not be responsible for my actions. Seriously, forget whatever I said about the music in Jem and the Holograms. Gah. This just kills me.

Legends of Tomorrow

Now, this, I’m a lot more interested in, even if it looks like it could be something of a hot mess. Seriously, Victor Garber’s skepticism seems well-founded. I knew Captain Cold and Heatwave were in this show, but they’re on the team? Good God. Dominic Purcell is going to take down his camp factor by about 20%, right? I mean, I roll my eyes and deal with it on The Flash, but I don’t know if I can take that shit every single week.

Still. Ha, they’re bringing in Vandal Savage. The team constantly traveling through time to try and take down their immortal archnemesis could be fun. And I’m interested in both White Canary and Hawkgirl, even if this isn’t the Hawkgirl I fell in love with on JLU. Also, despite his creepy stalker beginnings, I kind of adore Atom, not to mention time-traveling Rory. So, yeah, I’m interested.

Whether I think this show can keep itself glued together or not, though . . . that remains to be seen.

Between

Huh. This is like The 100 meets The Stand meets Under the Dome, or something. The basic premise is kind of interesting, but I’m not sure the teaser itself is doing much for me. I feel like it’s not doing anything particularly new with the concept, but it is a relatively short trailer and the show itself could be more exciting. I’ll probably wait to see what everyone else says before giving it a try myself.

Containment

And . . . it’s another mysterious disease/quarantine show, only this one doesn’t just kill everyone over the age of 22 because of Reasons. (What cracks me up is that this show is on CW, while the show you’d think would be on CW is actually on Netflix.) I’m slightly more interested in Containment, though not hugely excited by it, either. Mostly, I’m just distracted by Aeryn Sun with a shaky American accent and what appears to be a Goldilocks wig. Seriously, I couldn’t stop thinking of Farscape and “John Quixote,” only here I’m supposed to take her seriously? It’s . . . weird. I really don’t get it.

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

Oh my God, KILL IT WITH FIRE.

Okay, look. I know it’s a comedy, and I don’t necessarily object to more singing and big dance numbers on TV, but . . . it’s an entire show centered around a crazy woman who moves across the country to follow a guy who dumped her, like, ten years ago. That’s the premise of the show: that women be nuts. Maybe I could’ve gotten around it if the main character was the only crazy woman, but she’s not — apparently, she has this friend who tells her she’s not insane, she’s just in love, and he must be too because otherwise his Facebook status would have changed, and oh my God, it’s seriously a whole show about how women turn into crazy idiots whenever men are involved.

The bartender getting a funny at the end isn’t enough. I need something else to cheer me up now.

Finally . . . Lucifer

Well, that did it.

Seriously, I know this is a ridiculous premise. I know it will be a ridiculous show. I know virtually nothing about it makes sense, but the guy playing Lucifer is stupidly charming, and I now want to see him solve crimes.

Look, I didn’t say I had shame. But I like to laugh, and man, I grinned all the way through that.

Coming Soon-Ish: X-Men, Cheerleaders, and Tom Hiddleston as a Mopey Vampire

/ mygeekblasphemy / 4 Comments

X-Men: Days of Future Past

So . . . I don’t know.

I mean, I’ll see it. There are a few things going in its favor: Bryan Singer back in the director’s chair, Michael Fassbender, Peter Dinklage, and just the general apocalyptic future stuff. (I like apocalypses. The fashion’s always more interesting.) But this is supposedly the movie that will heal the gigantic continuity issues between all of the X-Men movies, and even with time travel, I don’t quite see how that’s possible. (Like, how is Xavier alive right now? Why didn’t he ever comment on Mystique apparently being his adopted sister in X-Men and X2? How were Cyclops and Emma Frost even teenagers together in Wolverine: Origins? The list goes on.)

Plus . . . look, I know everyone loves Wolverine. I love Wolverine. But I’d be way more interested in this story if it wasn’t just Wolverine going back in time. Because one, team dynamics are more interesting, two, I was kind of hoping it would be Bishop and his giant gun, and three, why is it Wolverine going back by his lonesome again? What, do his adamantium claws secretly have the power to tear away the bitterness from young Xavier’s and Magneto’s hearts or something?

I am mostly hoping this movie finds a way to retcon Cyclop’s death from The Last Stand. I kind of doubt it, and yet I hope. Because seriously. That was bullshit.

Only Lovers Left Alive

I’ve only watched one Jim Jarmusch film — yes, yes, blasphemy — and I seem to recall having mixed feelings about it at the time, but I must say this one looks . . . interesting. Cause, you know, vampires. Also: Tilda Swinton, Tom Hiddleston, Mia Wasikowska, Anton Yelchin, and John Hurt. I can’t say I got much sense of the actual plot from this trailer — which I guess doesn’t really surprise me, considering — but the film itself looks lovely and hugely atmospheric. I’d probably rent this one.

Winter’s Tale

Good God, this looks hideously schmaltzy.

Winter’s Tale is an adaptation of what’s apparently a very beloved fantasy book from the 1980’s. I clearly haven’t read it, so I can’t offer an opinion on the translation. But this trailer . . . look, we start in Romance Trope Land with our redemptive thief hero and his dying girlfriend — which, blah — and then it gets kind of interesting when our hero appears to wander into modern day NYC — only he has, like, magical amnesia? But his eyes well up with tears when he sees the picture of his lost love? And thankfully he has another attractive woman to help him discover the mystery behind it all? Maybe this wouldn’t seem so terrible if it wasn’t set to such hideously sweeping music and intercut with phrases like “Between love and destiny” and “MIRACLES CAN HAPPEN.”

Damn. When I heard there was a trailer about an alternate timeline New York with gangs and magic and flying horses, I was so excited.

That excitement is dead now.

The Raid 2: Berandal

This is really just a teaser and doesn’t give much in the way of plot, but I enjoyed the hell out of The Raid (which is kind of like Dredd, but with less Karl Urban and more martial arts), so I wanted to check it out. It definitely seems like a bigger movie than its predecessor, which could either be a good or a bad thing, depending. There still appear to be a lot of awesome fight scenes and unrepentant violence, though. Which, yay.

I’d love to see a longer trailer to get a better feel for this one.

And finally . . . All Cheerleaders Die

Um, Lucky McKee? Undead cheerleaders? Hilariously colorful special effects? Revenge?

I’m in.

“Love is for Children. I Owe Him a Debt.”

/ mygeekblasphemy / 23 Comments

Per usual, 3D has come between me and my beloved midnight movies.

I had planned to see this Thursday night with the rest of the geeks, but 3-D forced me to reevaluate those plans. Of course, the next day I was hopping on a bus to go to Reno for the weekend with about fifty other women who had nothing on the agenda but three full days of gambling, drinking, and dancing.

. . . well, I managed to squeeze in The Avengers. I’m not a much of a dancer, anyway.

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