Werewolves

Season Premiere Round-Up: 1/1/16-1/22/16

/ mygeekblasphemy / 4 Comments

Loving TV, as I do, I found myself writing mini recaps/reviews of all the season premieres I watched last fall, up until December, anyway. Then I kind of forgot about it because, really, not much premieres in December. (Other than The Expanse, of course, because the executives at Syfy are apparently contrary bastards.) And I went right on forgetting it, too, until the other day when I was watching the third episode of Teen Wolf, Season 5B, and was like, “Oh, yeah. I was doing kind of a thing, huh?”

And so. A handful of season premiere impressions: some timely, some belated, and all, rather obviously, with SPOILERS.

The 100

100

Mek and I found The 100 last year on Netflix and quickly marathoned through two seasons. While the show started a bit slow for me (if I could have murdered Octavia and Bellamy in the first couple of episodes, I would’ve, and probably wouldn’t have wept for Clarke, either, if she just happened to, I don’t know, fall victim to a herd of rampaging wild deer or something), it definitely got SO much better, and I spent most of last year looking forward to a new season.

This is a pretty solid start, letting us know what all our characters have been up to for the past three months after the devastatingly brutal events of “Blood Must Have Blood, Part II.” Clarke has become everyone’s Most Wanted and, also, a redhead! (Disappointingly, it appears she’ll be going back to blonde soon.) Raven’s leg has gotten worse (which I’m happy about it because I love that it’s a continuing storyline, not just a bullshit Magic Heal). Bellamy has a girlfriend! (And I bet the Bellarke shippers are pissed.) Lincoln and especially Octavia are struggling with their identities as somewhere between Sky People and Grounders. And the gang goes on road trips and listens to the Violent Femmes! (I mock, but I actually enjoy CW’s anachronistic music for the most part, and this scene totally amused me. Also amusing: the kid who plays the piano at the end. Raven asks for a song, and I’m immediately like, “Oh, is this the infamous Montage Boy?” Turned out, it was. Also, apparently, a real musician whose stunt casting, predictably, went straight over my head.)

In fact, I only want one character to get brutally trampled upon and die in a stampede of angry rhinos now: Jasper, who has, unsurprisingly, not taken Maya’s demise very well and has become a suicidal drunk who’s mean to Monty. (He’s also shaved his head, which is obviously the second best Grooming Option for the Depressed, next to growing an Angst Beard. Surprisingly, it looks decent on him.) And the thing is, I get his trauma and I should feel sorry for him, but I’ve never particularly liked Jasper and his whiny “Only My Love Life Matters” approach to moralism, and seriously, anyone who’s mean to Monty DESERVES TO DIE. (I’m seriously hoping he gets more to do this year. Monty is the best. He deserves his own angst time, damn it.)

I’m kind of interested in the weird Jaha story because I want to know where it goes (presumably, he and ALIE will become the show’s Big Bad?), but anytime The 100 cuts away to him, I’m immediately like, “No, no, go back to the characters I actually care about!” But it’s great how much I’ve 180-ed on Murphy, who started life as a totally boring antagonist and now I’m very much rooting for. “I’m so out of here,” Murphy says, and yes, YES, Murphy. This is the proper reaction to Crazypants Jaha, the psychotic AI, and Johannes Brahms. (Of course, then he changes his mind because of a girl. Oh, Murphy. I am disappointed in you, buddy.)

FAVORITE PART:

I did love Murphy’s line, “Pain. Hate. Envy. Those are the ABC’s of me.” Still, my favorite part was probably when Monty unsympathetically threw the bucket of cold water at Jasper’s face. Here’s to hoping he upgrades that to a punch across the kisser next.

TENTATIVE GRADE:

A-

Agent Carter

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Yay, Agent Carter is back! “The Lady in the Lake” and “A View in the Dark” was a solid two-hour premiere, although honestly, I’m not sure how much I really have to say about it. Nothing about it seemed particularly ZOMG AMAZEBALLS, but I had a good time watching it regardless. It was nice to see Peggy Carter back in action, crisp and kickass and fashionable as ever. Punching everyone in LA seems like a fabulous hobby, and I would happily watch her take it up.

Also nice to see Souza (whose new, adorable GF, I’m desperately hoping, is not secretly evil), two strong female antagonists (especially Dottie! Hi Dottie!), and the return of Jarvis, bored out of his mind and occasionally chasing flamingos. I also quite enjoy Jarvis’s wife, Ana, although I am a little disappointed that Angie’s disappeared into the television void. And Rose, the SSR telephone operator/receptionist, has come to play! I’m super jazzed about that.

Wilkes, Peggy’s new love interest, has supposedly been killed, although I don’t buy it for a second. (Although, to be fair, I’ve been wrong about that kind of thing before. Still. An explosion that’s evaporated his body? Yeah, okay, guys.) And I’m kind of waiting to see where Jack’s storyline goes (though I’m not nearly as interested in him as I am in Peggy, Jarvis, and Souza). Is he going to become a bad guy, do we think? Or is he going to realize he’s joining Hydra and eventually get murdered for it?

FAVORITE PART:

Hm, I’m not sure. I couldn’t help but adore Peggy and Jarvis looking at the flamingo in the car. They’re just so charmingly . . .British together. I don’t know. Also, Rose telling Souza that he should tell Peggy about his girlfriend, and then offering him a snarky cookie when it ends up being too late. (And this exchange too: “Daniel, you’re a nice guy.”/”Oh, that’s just mean.”)

TENTATIVE GRADE:

A-

Teen Wolf

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Oh, Teen Wolf, how I have missed you!!! It’s lovely to have you back.

This is a solid season opener, although–like many of the season premieres–it spends most of its time setting things up, so you know the really exciting things are coming later. Scott has started the uneasy quest of getting the band back together after Theo so easily and thoroughly divided them last fall, and it’s not off to the best start, since his Super Angst is (likely) what’s preventing him from healing properly. (Like in Season 3A, when Derek was supposedly but obviously not actually dead. Can’t Heal With a Broken Heart was incredibly silly then, but it’s pretty much just canon now.)

I like a good deal about this episode: Scott and Stiles being forced to work together again (especially after Stiles throws Scott against a wall and slams him to the ground, which, not gonna lie, I kind of enjoyed watched), Scott offering to listen to Malia if she needs it, Mason’s reaction to Liam tearing a page out of a library book instead of using the copier like a civilized werewolf, and, obviously, all of Stiles’s stuff with his dad. (The repeated head injury/blackouts made me laugh a little–it’s really just a matter of time before this kid ends up with brain damage–but I totally adored the moment when the Sheriff woke up, so. I let it slide.) I was less impressed with the fact that all you need to do to find the Nemeton, apparently, is use your Werewolf Eyes, cause, seriously, nobody thought of that before? And I still think it’s weird that Stiles and Malia apparently broke up last season because that’s really not what I got from that scene, but all in all, I was pretty into the premiere.

Especially that last flash-forward, where Theo and His Evil Chimera Pack slow-mo walked into Eichen House to get Lydia, and a seriously pissed off hellhound came to meet them. Hot damn, Parrish. (Sorry for the pun. Heh, no I’m not.)

FAVORITE PART:

Oh, probably when the Sheriff wakes up. Sue me; I’m a sucker for Stilinski Family Feels.

TENTATIVE GRADE:

B+

The Shannara Chronicles

sc

This isn’t bad, so far. Some things I like; other things, not so much. Shall we good/meh/blarg it?

THE GOOD:

Amberle. Of the three main characters, Amberle’s easily my favorite so far. I question some of her decision making skills (like, maybe we should talk to someone about these visions before immediately running away?), but I buy her badass moments, and I adore her silver elf-ear jewelry. (Seriously, I want these.)

Amberle’s handmaiden. Is she coming back? She oughta come back.

The cinematography/special effects. MTV shows don’t usually have a gigantic budget (hence the shitty green screens and often laughable CGI on Teen Wolf), but this show looks pretty damn great, especially given its network.

Ander. I like this guy, and I really hope he doesn’t end up dying or turning out to be a Big Twist Bad Guy.

Manu Bennett. Allanon is gruff and enjoyable, and it’s nice to see Slade as a good guy this time around.

The surprising amount of bloody violence. Maybe I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I wasn’t expecting Teen Wolf levels of violence from YA high fantasy. I’m happy to have been wrong and hope the gory fun continues.

John Rhys-Davies. Less because he does anything worthwhile (I’m basically just waiting for him to get horribly murdered) but because I like the actor.

THE MEH:

Will. When he’s going for comedic, I’m generally amused. When he’s going for emotional . . . yeah, I’m not quite there yet.

All the characters are . . . pretty damn trope-y. (Especially naive country boy Will and Ander’s annoying, I-Don’t-Trust-Druids-And-I-Wanna-Be-King-NOW brother.) Now, obviously, it’s extremely early, so maybe everyone’s going to end up subverting their tropes and end up in interesting places . . . but so far I’m not seeing much evidence to suggest that.

THE BLARG:

Eretria. I want to like her. I really do. Morally ambiguous thief girls? Totally my thing. But she didn’t strike me as tough or cutthroat or awesome; mostly, she just struck me as annoying and trying way too hard to seem badass. Perhaps the actress will settle into the character? I mean, there is definitely potential for growth. (Plus, she was Ofelia in Pan’s Labyrinth! Damn it, I want to like you SO MUCH.) It also probably doesn’t help that she and Will, who seem destined for one another, have about as much chemistry as a rock and bag of low-fat pretzels. (Eretria has far, far more chemistry with Amberle, so I could maybe be okay seeing them get together. Unlikely, perhaps, because I doubt that’s in the source material, but then again, this is MTV. The network gets a lot of shit from a lot of people, but they’ve done a pretty good job with gay and lesbian representation in their other shows, and I don’t think they’ll abandon that here.)

The annoying I-Wanna-Be-King Now prince. He’s not as serious of a problem for me as Eretria because I’m obviously supposed to actually like Eretria. But at present, he’s a one-note tool, and I have little interest in watching him snipe at his father and brother or betray his family and try to take the throne.

FAVORITE PART:

Hm, I’m not sure. Maybe the whole opener when Amberle wins the race? I enjoyed that. Also, whenever Allanon mocks Will. That’s obviously good, too.

Legends of Tomorrow

legends

You know how some pilots just scream PILOT? Yeah, that’s how watching this episode felt. It wasn’t terrible or anything, but it just felt so compressed, so basic. They had to spend a lot of time going over the character backstories for anybody who doesn’t regularly watch Arrow and The Flash, which makes sense, but I couldn’t help but feel that new viewers would still be like . . . wait, who in the what now? Meanwhile, the rest of us, presumably, just tuned out Hawkgirl and Hawkman’s reincarnation story because it was kind of boring and unconvincing the first time around.. (Yes, I remain bitter that we didn’t get JLU Shayera Hol. You’re my favorite, Shayera!)

My random thoughts:

A. Oh man, Stein is a DICK. Drugging someone so they’re forced to travel through time with you on an almost certainly doomed quest to try and defeat an immortal super villain, all so you can have a little adventure and meaning in your life? Wow, no. I mean, I forgive it because I like Victor Garber, but no. He owed SO MUCH more of an apology to Jax at the end of this episode.

B. I do like that not everyone is initially eager to jump on board because, like, dying isn’t fun. I also like that Captain Cold and Heat Wave tag along primarily to steal shit.

C. Much to my shock, Heat Wave actually made me laugh intentionally a few times. Could he indeed be turning down the TOTAL CRAZY just a little? Because if he does, I could potentially actually like him.

D. I was convinced that Rip secretly wanted Captain Cold, Heat Wave, and White Canary to leave the ship because, otherwise, it seemed like a monumentally stupid plan to leave them alone. Apparently, it was just a monumentally stupid plan. Worked for me, though: I love the scene with the three of them at the bar. How long do you figure before CaptainCanary becomes canon? (ColdCanary? WhiteCold? I’m not the best at shipper names.)

E: Finally, and unfortunately, Vandal Savage continues to underwhelm me as a Big Bad.

FAVORITE PART:

Probably that bar scene. Otherwise, one of these two Heat Wave lines:

“Deafness wasn’t one of the side effects.”

“Why did we become criminals?”
“Because we hate working and love money.”

TENTATIVE GRADE:

B

TENTATIVE GRADE:

B

Galavant

g2

Honestly, I was shocked that this show didn’t get cancelled, and I wasn’t sure I was going to pick it up again. But a season premiere titled “A New Season aka Suck It, Cancellation Bear” was too hilarious to pass up.

Mostly, I’m in the same place I was last season. Some stuff cracks me up. I absolutely loved the opening song. And Galavant and Richard are fun to watch together. On the other hand, some of the humor feels tired and gets on my nerves. And my inner feminist sighed pretty heavily when Isabella, after mistakenly coming to believe that Galavant doesn’t love her anymore, decided to give up escaping her imprisonment/arranged marriage to her 12-year-old cousin because nothing matters if Galavant doesn’t love her. Like, really, Isabella? Really? It’s a fun enough show, and I will always be happy that Timothy Omundson has work, but even it miraculously makes a Season Three . . . I’m not sure I’m sticking around this time.

FAVORITE PART:

We didn’t actually see it, but apparently four pirates willingly walked the plank rather than hear the Galavant theme song one more time. Love it.

TENTATIVE GRADE:

B-

The 2015 Movie Superlatives

/ mygeekblasphemy / 2 Comments

Okay. One week into 2016 and we finally have the last of my End of the Year posts. Welcome, friends, to the 2015 Movie Superlatives! (Feel free to imagine some loud cheering here, like you’re at a colosseum death match or something.)

Other people are around to tell you the Most Raw Method Performance or the Most Inspirational True Life Story of Whoever. I rarely watch those kinds of movies, though, unless someone’s forcing me to. If, on the other hand, you want to know who won awards like Worst Romance, Most Fabulous Fashion, and Chief Asshat, well, you’ve come to the right place.

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“Have You Guessed Who The Werewolf Is?”

/ mygeekblasphemy / 5 Comments

Splatterfest 2015 has come and gone. Junk food was procured and devoured, bad horror movies were rented and voted upon. The movie my friends chose to watch: The Beast Must Die, a 1974 horror whodunnit starring Grand Moff Tarkin and Albus Dumbledore.

werewolf break1

The premise is fantastic, just full of cheesy good potential. There’s even a Werewolf Break! (It may be the best thing I’ve ever seen.) Unfortunately, the rest of the film . . . well, the rest of the film leaves a lot to be desired.

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Five Utterly Ridiculous TV Crossovers (That Would STILL Make More Sense Than Bones/Sleepy Hollow)

/ mygeekblasphemy / 6 Comments

Last week, the world learned that there would be a Bones/Sleepy Hollow crossover, which seemed . . . strange, considering that Bones is a criminal procedural with absolutely zero supernatural elements (brain tumor-induced hallucinations of dead people and cartoon characters aside), and Sleepy Hollow is a show about an 18th century soldier who gets resurrected into the modern era by his imprisoned witch wife so that he might become one-half of a supernatural crime-fighting duo destined to try and stop the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse from destroying the world. They’re not exactly peanut butter and jelly, is what I’m saying.

Of course, then I immediately had to come up with my own ridiculous crossovers. (Potential SPOILERS for all shows mentioned.)

1. Scott McCall’s Pack of Miscellaneous-Creatures-That-Are-Mostly-Not-Werewolves Scouts Colleges in Central City

twolfflash

Teen Wolf meets The Flash

Stiles may have a vision that involves the pack moving to the Bay Area, but everyone decides to check out some (heretofore unmentioned) college in Central City anyway, over his animated and vehement protests. Of course, there’s a grisly werewolf murder as soon as they get there.

Flash and the gang investigate, naturally assuming the culprit is a metahuman, but are abruptly introduced to the supernatural once they meet Scott’s pack. Scott and Barry have some hero bonding time, while Sheriff Stilinski (acting as chaperone) commiserates with Joe on being the parent/law enforcement in-on-the-know. Lydia will help Caitlin with science things (and possibly fashion tips), while Cisco and Stiles will obviously geek out together — or, alternatively, hate each other because they’re both The Funny One. (I’m so torn on this.) Meanwhile, Kira will probably kick some werewolf ass (and bond with Iris, I guess?) while Malia will mostly be around to point out all the mistakes the Flash gang regularly makes. (For some reason, Malia point blankly informing Barry that his ideas are stupid fills me with such joy.)

Things will end happily, keeping to The Flash’s generally lighter tone, but if we need a Big Emotional Moment at some point, that will obviously go to Cisco and/or Stiles. Malia should (a) mistake Barry, Cisco, Iris, and Caitlin for high schoolers, and (b) be surprised at how many people actually wear shirts in Central City, as opposed to Beacon Hills. Oh, and Scott and Barry should probably duke it out at least once. You know, for science.

2. The Best Superhero Road Trips End in Clones

arrowhelena

Arrow meets Orphan Black

Oliver and Felicity have fucked off to the open road, leaving their vigilantism and unnecessary angst behind in Starling City. Unfortunately, they get a panicked SOS from Roy, who has somehow found himself in Toronto, ass deep in Clone Club problems.

I’ll admit, I don’t have any idea how Roy became involved in Clone Club problems, and I don’t care. What I do care about is a scene where Helena strokes Roy’s exquisitely beautiful cheek and says something like, “I have boyfriend, but you are very cute. You will protect babies with me, yes?” and Roy is utterly terrified.

Felicity and Felix will get along, obviously, and will both get immense satisfaction from watching Felicity’s cell phone video of Oliver doing the salmon ladder. Felicity will have to nerd out with Cosima, too, possibly playing extra geeky board games. Meanwhile, Allison will host some kind of wholesome cutesy dinner for her new guests, and Oliver will sit through it with his usual tight smile and otherwise vaguely-pained expression.

Diggle won’t come up to visit, but he will video chat with Felicity so he can get a good look at all the clones and, hopefully, have a reaction like this.

3. The Machine Has a New Number, and It’s a Heavily Sedated Sensate

2will-sees-whispers

Person of Interest meets Sense8

Finch and Root have brought The Machine back to life, somewhat, but it’s definitely weakened. It does, however, give them a new number: Will Gorski, a policeman from Chicago who has recently gone missing. They manage to track him down in a New York safe house, where Riley, Nomi, and Amanita are continuously drugging him. Reese and Root understandably misread the situation at first and fight Nomi/Sun and Riley/Wolfgang in an epic battle sequence before they all realize they’re trying to do the same thing: save Will.

After everyone’s caught up on the various conspiracies that make up the plots of these shows, Team PoI has to help the Sensates get out of New York (and probably the country) because Samaritan is now on Whispers’ side and is helping to track them down. Nomi, Finch, and Root all have to do some Super Hacking together at some point and, hopefully, Amanita gets the opportunity to both help and annoy the dour Mr. Reese. Cause, c’mon. You know they would be the most delightful pairing.

Everyone makes it out alive at the end, although some of the good guys definitely get shot. Especially Reese, who I think has been shot at least three times in four seasons, and we wouldn’t want things to get too easy for that guy.

4. Goofy Adventure Fantasy Accidentally Stumbles Into Grimdark

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The Librarians meets Game of Thrones

So, our Librarians (all of them, including Jenkins) are affected by some kind of magical artifact thingy and get sucked into the world of Game of Thrones. Worse, they get separated and have to figure out how to get back into their own silly-happy world before they’re all brutally and awfully murdered.

Flynn and Baird end up with Brienne and Podrick. Brienne and Baird get along well enough, though Brienne obviously has no use for Flynn and his manic, flailing antics. He’ll probably amuse Pod, though, who I imagine is just happy that Brienne is yelling at someone else, for once. Brienne and Baird will obviously have to do hand-to-hand at some point.

Ezekiel and Stone, meanwhile, will end up at the Wall, arriving just in time to see Jon Snow resurrected by flame. Stone is disgusted with the men of the Watch for betraying their commander (and, also, by the tacky, grotesque artwork that is surely hung improperly on the walls inside), while Ezekiel is mostly freaked out by Melisandre because that woman be scary. Ezekiel will also take the time to mock Jon Snow and all his brooding because that obviously needs to happen whenever possible.

Finally, Cassandra and Jenkins will end up in Mereen with Tyrion and Varys, mostly so Jenkins can be offended that absolutely nobody here is behaving in any kind of noble, Arthurian way and grump a lot about it. Tyrion will snark back, and Varys will be idly fascinated by one of Cassandra’s math visualization things (technical term) while simultaneously wondering how these people have survived this long.

There will be much discussion of power and morality in this crossover. There will also be many instances where each character from one ‘verse asks each character from the other ‘verse, “What is WRONG with you people?”

5. Zombies Arrive at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital

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iZombie meets Grey’s Anatomy

Okay, I haven’t watched Grey’s Anatomy in a few years now, but hey, they both take place in Seattle, so why the hell not, right? Do you know how much more awesome Meredith’s VO narrations would be if they were about zombies? Yeah. SO MUCH more awesome.

There are actually a few ways this can go. iZombie ends its first season at a hospital, and there’s really no reason it couldn’t be Grey Sloan Memorial. (For that matter, I don’t think the show ever named the hospital that Liv used to work at, so Liv could totally have worked or gone to school with one of the interns there. Stephanie, maybe.)

But I kind of don’t want this to be subtle, like, I want a full-on zombie outbreak where various doctors die because, let’s face it, that’s just what doctors do on that show. (Don’t believe me? Here’s a list: George, Sloan, Lexie, Reed, Percy, Heather, and fucking McDreamy. Seriously, they killed both McSteamy AND McDreamy. How does that even happen on a network television show? And that’s not even bringing in all the tragic love interests and dead parents. Grey’s Anatomy is a Show of Death, you mark my words)

So, maybe this could happen: Liz goes with Clive and Ravi on their usual case of the week, but whatever suspect she sees in her vision turns zombie and starts eating other patients and staff. Liz has to stop the zombie outbreak from spreading while somehow keeping Clive (and most everyone else) from figuring out what’s actually going on. (I suspect Ravi will be doing some very fast-talking here.) Bailey, Meredith, and Alex will all find out about zombies and survive as a reward for still being alive from the first season. Cristina will also make a guest appearance because Cristina Yang vs Zombies is a thing that totally needs to happen.

Jo will definitely die, though. Jo will get eaten, like, a LOT. And at least one or two other main cast members will have to bite it. Maybe April? Or Amelia Shepherd? I hear she’s annoying. Or possibly Richard, if you want to tug at the heart strings. How Richard (a mentor) outlasted McDreamy (the One) continues to boggle my fucking mind. But I kind of like him all the more for it.

All right, those are my ridiculous crossover ideas for now. Ideas for your own? Leave them in the comments.

Coming Soon-Ish: Teen Wolf, Scream Queens, and Zombie Kids

/ mygeekblasphemy / 1 Comment

Teen Wolf

SEASON FIVE IS COMING!

I will not apologize for my excitement. I am content in being a total fangirl about this show, even though it often operates on shaky logic and last season wasn’t its strongest. Fifth season, like third, will be divided into two halves, and there’s a pretty strong chance that this will be the final season, so. My time for fangirl squee is limited.

A lot’s going on this trailer, and it’s hard to make sense of most of it. Lydia doesn’t seem to be having an easy time of it, poor girl. (Though maybe she’s faking whatever insanity thing is going on to do undercover detective work at Eichen House. That could work for me.) Then again, no one really seems to be having a great senior year. There appears to be some friction between Scott and Stiles, which I could totally approve of. And if it’s about this new wolf guy, then I’m firmly on Stiles’s side, because yeah, I absolutely don’t trust that dude, either. (Also the whole trust everyone/trust no one thing seems to be a pretty perfect representation of their two characters. Me gusta.)

“Watch Your Pack” is not my favorite of the Teen Wolf season slogans . . . but I’m still pretty excited by this trailer. Damn it. Why isn’t it the end of June yet?

Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials

Ah, the Dylan O’Brien project I’m considerably less interested in.

I guess I could watch this for mockery purposes, but I have no immediate plans to, since the first one was basically just two hours of missed opportunities and failed potential. Although, Thomas does look pretty angsty in a shower, a shot that’s often reserved for women. (After trauma, male protagonists grow angsty facial hair, while women cry naked and alone. I don’t actually think Thomas will start crying here, but if he did, I’d almost be a little impressed.)

There are many, many generic action shots. I suspect O’Brien is contracted to run and nearly get killed by a closing wall/door in each film. And Aidan Gillen is here too, playing our Probably-But-Possibly-Not-Totally-Evil Antagonist. Only I think he’s going for an American accent, which, well. It’s not working for him. This was a problem in the first movie too, where only one of a handful of British kids got to keep their English. It makes even less sense here; after all, we all know villains come from Europe! Let him just be Irish, for the love of God.

Scream Queens

All right. I know I’ll have to give this one a try.

I have a feeling the tone is going to bounce all over the place in this show. Like I’m getting satire for the most part, but then there are scenes like the one with the rent-a-cop screaming — that shit seemed straight out of the Scary Movie franchise. And while Emma Roberts and Abigail Breslin are perfect as Bitch Queens from Hell, I’m already not wild about the ridiculously nerdy pledges, like Lea Michelle or, worse, Random Candle Wax Eating Girl. I mean, really? Really?

Based on that trailer, I’m rooting for Keke Palmer and Jamie Lee Curtis to survive. Unfortunately, I worry that’s not very likely.

Cooties

This trailer kind of reminds me of Recess Pieces, a comic book with an awesome premise that I, ultimately, didn’t like as much as I’d hoped. I kind of feel like that’s going to be the case here, too. I’m all for teachers on the run from their zombie students, and I did laugh at Rainn Wilson telling us, “This is that scene.” Still, the “I’m gay!” line came off as particularly awkward and uncomfortable to me, and I’m worried that this is a one-joke movie that’s going to get old thirty minutes in.

Still, I wouldn’t mind being wrong about that. Zombie fourth-graders automatically make me smile, and I’m a fan of both Elijah Wood and Alison Pill. One way or another, I’m sure I’ll get around to seeing this. Whether it’ll be good or not, though, that’s another story.

And finally . . . Nina Forever

. . . I actually have no idea what to say to that. But if you’d like to try the trailer out for yourself, just be warned: it’s definitely NSFW. Like, even more so than the movie about killer kid zombies.

“I’m 147 Pounds of Pale Skin and Fragile Bone, Okay? Sarcasm Is My Only Defense.”

/ mygeekblasphemy / 6 Comments

I wasn’t actually planning to do another Teen Wolf retrospective, but Mekaela asked me to write one up after watching Season 2, and, well, her birthday is coming up, so I was like fine.

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This probably just means I’ll have to do one for every season now, whether anyone else is interested in reading them or not. Cause, yeah. I kind of love this show. Suck it, haters.

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