It’s the final week of the Clarion West Write-a-Thon and, coincidentally, my last week before vacation. Which means you probably won’t see me around much for a little while. Before I go, though, I have my second (and final) WaT reward essay to share. While last week we discussed John Carpenter’s Prince of Darkness (a film where Satan is a bunch of green goo in a vat, and bugs are fucking everywhere), today we’ll be shifting gears to talk about The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension, a film where a brain surgeon/comic book hero/test pilot/rock star/physicist saves the world with his buddies, the Hong Kong Cavaliers, from hostile aliens.
My friends, this movie is an experience.
Well. I finally started up my Great Star Wars Re-Watch again with Episode II – Attack of the Clones.
Man. This movie might actually be worse than I remembered, and I didn’t even like it the first go-round.
I still haven’t quite gotten around to seeing the not-exactly-critically-beloved Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. (I’m not particularly jazzed about going, either, but I do want to check it out for myself. I like making up my own mind about shit, particularly if Batman’s going to be involved.) However, I knew I wanted to watch Man of Steel before I made my trip to the theater, so a few weeks ago I finally sat down and put it on.
Man. That long, dreary ass film did not help motivate my interest in Batman v Superman AT ALL.
My friend Kirsten wrote me and said that she had, for some unknown reason, decided to watch Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers. She’d also written a review and was like, “Hey, do you want this?”
What I heard:
“Hey, Halloween’s around the corner, and you have stories you’re supposed to be working on, stories that people are actually planning to pay you for. You want a Free Day from MGB to go, you know, do something about that?”
Thus Kirsten presents the majesty of The Curse of Michael Myers.
A few weeks ago, my friends and I were faced with a hard choice. We had all gathered to watch a movie together, and the final nominees were this: Frozen, a highly beloved Academy Award winning Disney film, and The Crow: Wicked Prayer, the fourth movie in a mostly terrible franchise (saving the original, obviously), featuring the varied talents of David Boreanaz, Edward Furlong, Dennis Hopper, Danny Trejo, and Tara Reid.
I think you all know which one I watched.
It’s at least vaguely possible that we didn’t make the right call.
With the upcoming Fantastic Four reboot on the horizon — well, next year — Mekaela and I made the possibly unwise decision to rewatch the original Fantastic Four.
It’s so much worse than I remembered.
Happy Valentine’s Day, people. Please put your candy and/or sweetheart aside and come along with me on our continued snarky journey through bad horror movies. Today we’ll be concluding Bloody Hearts with our review of Would You Rather.
It is an uncomfortable movie with a surprising amount of actual potential. Unfortunately, the finished product is just not very good.
Valentine’s Day is soon upon us. You (might) know what that means.
Bloody Hearts has come. Let us mock . . . Open Grave.
So, my parents? Not real strict about what kind of movies I could watch as a kid. And by “not real strict,” I mean I don’t think there actually were any rules, not of any kind. To be fair to them, though, there probably didn’t need to be. I didn’t like scary things as a child, so if I was frightened by whatever they were watching, I excused myself to go play with my dolls. And honestly, I’m still a tiny bit baffled by parents who absolutely forbid their children from watching any rated R film, no matter what the story is actually about.
Still. This is not the kind of movie most kids probably watch at eight or nine years old.
Because I’m not willing to post a picture of what they do while swimming in that pool.
Besides being wholly inappropriate, Color of Night is just a terrible, terrible movie. Like it won a Razzie for ‘Worst Picture of 1994’ terrible. But the film’s long been a joke between my sister and me because, really, who else has childhood nostalgia for a movie that shows Bruce Willis in all his, uh, resplendent glory? So we decided to rent it from Netflix.
Yeah. You’re welcome.
Continuing on with bad horror films . . .
There’s a sliver of a decent movie somewhere inside Cursed, but it’s mostly buried under worthless characters, inconsistent humor, and a pretty weak lead performance from Christina Ricci.