“Come At Me. Every Inch of Me Will Resist You.”

When my friend Robyn came to visit, we attempted to watch Coons! Night of the Bandits of the Night, and barely made it through the trailers before giving up. (So, Rob? Congratulations. You broke me. I am a broken woman now. I hope you’re happy.)

We decided to watch this instead:

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I have this poster on my wall, and though you can’t see it from the picture, it has the very best tagline ever. Said tagline?

Survivor Who Kill Everyone Even Though Best Friend.

This is a fair representation of the translation quality throughout the film.

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“No Pulse, No Heartbeat. If Condition Does Not Change, This Man is Dead.”

When I was writing my review for Clue some months back, I came across the name of another murder mystery comedy: Murder by Death. It actually predates Clue by almost a decade and has an absolutely fantastic cast including Maggie Smith, Alec Guiness, Peter Falk, Elsa Lanchester, Peter Sellers, James Cromwell, Eileen Brennan, and Truman Capote, of all people.

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Well, obviously, I had to watch this.

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“Mind Your Business! I Shall Be Eaten by Whomever I Please!”

So I made this horror movie challenge for myself at the beginning of the year, and I can already tell you that I’m going to fail it. Abysmally. We’ll talk about punishment come December, but for now, let’s get to reviewing one of the movies actually on the list.

. . . also known as Cemetery Man.

Honestly? I don’t know what the hell to make of this thing.

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“I’m Drawing a Line in the Fucking Sand Here. Do NOT Read The Latin.”

Well, I finally, finally went to see it.

Cabin in the Woods was filmed in 2009. I’ve wanted to see Cabin in the Woods since I first heard about it . . . and yes, that was back in 2009. Can you blame me? A horror movie written by Joss Whedon, directed by Drew Goddard, and starring Chris Hemsworth, Fran Kranz, Richard Jenkins, Bradley Whitford, and Amy Acker? Of course I wanted to see this movie.

Why did it take me so long? Well, life. That, and Joss Whedon’s other big movie, The Avengers, required at least two viewings. I couldn’t help myself. But hey, patience does have its advantages: three dollar tickets, baby.

Also, in case you were wondering? The movie itself is kind of incredible.

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