TV Superlatives: June, July, August – 2020

It’s that time again! We must discuss only the most prestigious of TV Awards: Favorite Sidekick, Best Revenge, Most Horrifying Fashion, Favorite Ship, and more!

A quick reminder for how these work: I will bestow whatever TV shows I’ve recently been watching with such awards, whether they’re currently airing or not. As always, any awards with spoilers will be very clearly marked. As a reference point, here are the shows I’ve been watching for the past few months:

Agents of SHIELD (Season 7)
Village Survival: The Eight (Season 2)
Star Trek (Season 2: Ep. 7-10)
Last Week Tonight With John Oliver (June 7th – August 30th)
13 Reasons Why (Season 4)
Floor is Lava
Mystic Pop-Up Bar
Dear White People (Season 1)
Unsolved Mysteries (2020)
Dark (Season 3)
The Baby-Sitters Club
I Remember You (Hello Monster)
It’s Okay to Not Be Okay
Chip-In
Love in the Moonlight (Moonlight Drawn by Clouds)
Lovecraft Country (Ep. 1 – 3)
Running Man (er, just a bunch of random episodes from multiple seasons)

(You may notice that some shows have two titles listed. K-dramas usually have at least two, and sometimes my brain flip-flops helplessly between both. I’m going to attempt some consistency throughout these superlatives, but I make absolutely no promises.)

Also, clearly, it’s just . . . it’s a lot of K-Dramas, folks. MY LIFE HAS BEEN TAKEN OVER BY K-DRAMAS AND VARIETY SHOWS, AND I’M OKAY WITH IT.

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2019 Reading List – Novellas, Novels, Graphic Novels, and Non-Fiction

Well, it doesn’t look like I’m going to finish any more books before the New Year, so I’m updating my official list of everything I’ve read in 2019. Scroll down if you’d like to see a few unsurprising conclusions about my own personal reading trends. (Spoilers: this isn’t the year I finally started reading a bunch of travel memoirs.) You’ll also find some favorite quotes (these spoil nothing) because I just can’t help myself. I will be posting my 2019 Book Superlatives later, maybe even tomorrow if I get my shit together, but expect those to be considerably pared down from years past.

Finally, a guide to font colors: novels are in black, novellas are in purple, comics are in green, and non-fiction is in blue.

THE 2019 READING LIST

A Big Ship at the Edge of the Universe – Alex White
“I thought it was best not to kill anyone, given the political ramifications. I see you’ve taken a different approach.”

A Rising Man – Abir Mukherjee
Death smells worse in the tropics. Most things do.

Sawkill Girls – Claire Legrand
“What I’m saying,” Marion said, now looking right at Zoey, her gray eyes bright, “is that girls hunger. And we’re taught from the moment our brains can take it, that there isn’t enough food for us all.”

The Only Harmless Great Thing – Brooke Bolander
“We’re scientists,” Kat says. She stands. “All we do is teach people how the sausage is made.”

The Book of M – Peng Shepherd
Who are my people, Ory? The ones I’m with or the ones I want to be?

A Key, An Egg, An Unfortunate Remark – Harry Connolly
“If I were forced to guess, I’d say they were professional killers hired to murder everyone in the house. What does that tell you?”
“You’re not as popular as I thought?”

Terminal Alliance – Jim C. Hines
“Kumar, any progress?”
“I’ve gotten through 4.5 percent of the A-ring tutorial without killing everyone.”
Mops swallowed her first three responses. “Technically, that qualifies as progress. Keep at it.”

In An Absent Dream – Seanan McGuire
Following the rules didn’t make you a good person, just like breaking them didn’t make you a bad one, but it could make you an invisible person and invisible people got to do as they liked.

The Mystery of The Yellow Room – Gaston Leroux
A week after the occurrence of the events I have just recounted—on the 2nd of November, to be exact—I received at my home in Paris the following telegraphic message: “Come to the Glandier by the earliest train. Bring revolvers. Friendly greetings. Rouletabille.”

The Cabin at the End of the World – Paul Tremblay
Sabrina’s fingers and hands are pink with memories of blood.

Artificial Condition – Martha Wells
I phrased it as a question, because pretending you were asking for more information was the best way to try to get the humans to realize they were doing something stupid. “So do you think there’s another reason Tlacey wants you to do this exchange in person other than . . . killing you?”

Alice Payne Arrives – Kate Heartfield
Visit 2070: It’s Not an Apocalypse. Yet. This Time.

The Black God’s Drums – P. Djèlí Clark
The night in New Orleans always got something going on, ma maman used to say—like this city don’t know how to sleep.

All the Missing Girls – Megan Miranda
Annaleise didn’t know—I always took the dare.

The Migration – Helen Marshall
Mary’s face is happy, a picture of delight. But the angel? The angel doesn’t look happy. The angel looks bored rigid by the whole mess, the angel has seen it all: the culling of firstborns, the slaughter of the innocents.
The angel doesn’t care. Mortality isn’t his bag.

Swordspoint – Ellen Kushner
“Black,” Alec said in tones of deep disgust. “Black is for grandmothers. Black is for stage villains.”

The Nine Tailors – Dorothy Sayers
“If the law had found him, the law would have hanged him, with loud applause from all good citizens. Why should we hang a perfectly decent chap for anticipating the law and doing our dirty work for us?”

The Family Plot – Cherie Priest
“Ghosts or no ghosts, we’re burning daylight. We can’t salvage ghosts. They don’t sell for shit.”

Rogue Protocol – Martha Wells
I didn’t want to see helpless humans. I’d rather see smart ones rescuing each other.

Clockwork Boys – T. Kingfisher
He had not actually been flipping a knife, because hardly anyone really did that, but he looked like the knife-flipping type.

White is For Witching – Helen Oyeyemi
Lily was a bunch of crumpled pockets and Sylvie is a black dress, perfumed scarves, iron posture and whatever else turns a person into an atmosphere.

Undead Girl Gang – Lily Anderson
“I didn’t need the spells to work. They never worked! Spells are just prayers with more steps and a name that scares people.”

Gaudy Night – Dorothy Sayers
“Are you fond of children, madam?”
“Oh, yes,” said Harriet. Actually, she did not care much about children, but one can scarcely so, bluntly, to those possessed of these blessings.

Space Opera – Catherynne M. Valente
“HEY THERE! I’m Clippy, your computer assistant. It looks like you are trying to survive the night and not get slaughtered in the next five minutes like the miserably finite mortal organics you are. *Would you like some fucking help?*”

Calculating Stars – Mary Robinette Kowal
There is something about having your legs over your head that makes you need to pee. This makes it into none of the press releases, but every single astronaut talks about it.
The men have complicated condoms and catch pouches. I have a diaper.
Two hours into our three-hour wait, I use it, sure that the urine will overflow its confines and spread up the back of my suit. It does not, but I am once again enthralled by the glamour of being an astronaut.

Record of a Spaceborn Few – Becky Chambers
A king tells us a story about who we are and why we’re great, and that story is enough to make us go kill people who tell a different story.

Magic for Liars – Sarah Gailey
A lot of words. I resolved to read them in depth later, when I could focus. When there wasn’t wine in between me and the letters.

The Killing Moon – N.K. Jemisin
“Devout men lie poorly.”

Wicked Saints – Emily A. Duncan
“Nobles are nobles,” she had said, waving a hand. “Regardless of where they come from. The pettiness of court transcends all cultural boundaries.”

The Song Is You – Megan Abbott
“Developed a conscience now, have we?”
“Well, let’s not get hysterical.”

The Thief – Megan Whalen Turner
All I wanted to do was lie in the dry grass with my feet in a ditch forever. I could be a convenient sort of milemarker, I thought. Get to the thief and you know you’re halfway to Methana.

To Be Taught, If Fortunate – Becky Chambers
Viewed in this way, you can never again see a tree as a single entity, despite its visual dominance. It towers. It’s impressive. But in the end, it’s a fragile endeavor that can only stand thanks to the contributions of many. We celebrate the tree that stretches to the sky, but it is the ground we should ultimately thank.

Die, Vol. 1: Fantasy Heartbreaker – Kieron Gillen + Stephanie Hans
This isn’t a conversation. This is the sort of monologue you run in your head with lovers you’ll never speak to again.

The Crimes at Black Dudley – Margery Allingham
“You don’t mind, do you? I really couldn’t bring myself to put on my clothes at the hour I usually take them off.”

The Sundial – Shirley Jackson
Gloria sat alone for a minute or so, thinking that the sun was warm and the sky was blue, and wondering if they sky would be bluer if Aunt Fanny had never been born.

The Psychology of Time Travel – Kate Mascarenhas
Grace’s complaints reminded Ruby of her own feelings about university friends. People you’d once die for take appalling paths. It’s not that they become unrecognizable. They become more like themselves. Personality quirks grow more pronounced, and so do values, until you wonder how you ever ignored the differences between you.

Jane Steele – Lyndsay Faye
Hereby do I avow that I, Jane Steele, in all my days working as a governess, never once heard ethereal cries carried to me upon the brawny shoulders of the north wind; and had I done, I should have kept silent for fear of being labelled eccentric.

Busman’s Honeymoon – Dorothy Sayers
“When I’m investigating a murder, I hate to have too much sympathy with the corpse. Personal feelings cramp the style.”

A Man Lay Dead – Ngaio Marsh
The doctor performed the feat known in Victorian nursery books as “looking grave.”

An Unkindess of Ghosts – Rivers Solomon
She expected a reprimand, but his criticism was far gentler than Giselle’s ever was. She tried not to give him too much credit for it. People were so often mean that when they weren’t there was a tendency to bestow sainthood upon them. Aster did not reward common decency with her affection.

The Invited – Jennifer McMahon
Helen did not believe in ghosts. But she believed in history.

The Twisted Ones – T. Kingfisher
This train of thought would end with me crouched in the bathroom with a shotgun aimed at the door. This would not help Bongo and also, I didn’t know how to use a shotgun.

The 7 ½ Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle – Stuart Turton
“What does a child who has everything want?”
More, just like everybody else.

One Bloody Thing After Another – Joey Comeau
The broken-arm tree is wide above them, but Ann doesn’t know that. She thinks this is a straightforward fight to the death, without symbolism.

From Here to Eternity: Traveling the World to Find the Good Death – Caitlin Doughty
Women’s bodies are so often under the purview of men, whether it’s our reproductive organs, our sexuality, our weight, our manner of dress. There is a freedom found in decomposition, a body rendered messy, chaotic, and wild.

The Lady from the Black Lagoon: Hollywood Monsters and the Lost Legacy of Milicent Patrick – Mallory O’Meara
The story starts with an alien man from a planet called Metaluna appearing to Earth’s top scientists, inviting them all to come to his cool Earth mansion. He wants them to help him work on a supersecret alien project, which of course, no scientist can turn down. As far as I can tell, the main reason to become a scientist is so you can make yourself available for these types of cinematic situations.

I Remember You: A Ghost Story – Yrsa Sigurdardóttir
Anyway, you couldn’t make demands of the sun this far north in the dead of winter; you simply took what little sunshine you were given and were grateful.

The Red House Mystery – A.A. Milne
Why, you could have knocked her over with a feather. Feathers, indeed, were a perpetual menace to Audrey.

Crossing Places – Elly Griffiths
There is nothing more annoying, thinks Ruth, than someone who thinks they don’t have to introduce themselves on the phone, who assumes that you must recognize their voice because it is so wonderfully individual.

Murder in the Crooked House – Soji Shimada
The smile that had been on the face of these cherished dolls had transmuted, decomposed. There was no better way of putting it.
A deep-seated grudge. They’d been brought into the world by the whimsy of human beings, but then not permitted to die for a thousand years. If the same thing were inflicted on our bodies, the same look of madness would appear on our faces too.

A Necessary Evil – Abir Mukherjee
His parents had named him Surendranath: it meant king of the gods; and while I could make a fair stab at the correct Bengali pronunciation, I never could get it quite right. He’d told me it wasn’t my fault. He’d said the English language just didn’t possess the right consonants—it lacked a soft ‘d,’ apparently. According to him, the English language lacked a great many things.

The Seventh Bride – T. Kingfisher
Still, none of it made any sense. If you were a murderer, would you really guard your home with birds saying, “Hi, I’m a murderer”? It lacked subtlety.

The House of Shattered Wings – Aliette de Bodard
“He’s only here because you imprisoned him. Even if he were guilty—which he’s not—it’s a horrible way to die.”
There were no good ways to die, though.

Nobody’s Sweetheart Now – Maggie Robinson
Addie was just getting used to her widowhood when Rupert inconveniently turned up six months after she had sealed him in the Compton family vault in the village churchyard.

Teen Titans: Raven – Kami Garcia + Gabriel Picolo
“I belong to myself.”

Young Avengers: Style > Substance – Kieron Gillen + Jamie McKelvie
“Come with me if you want to be awesome.”

Going over this list . . . well, it’s definitely been the Year of Mystery. A lot of Golden Age novels, of course, including finishing up Dorothy Sayer’s Lord Peter Wimsey series, and also checking out books by other Queens of Crime, Margery Allingham and Ngaio Marsh. Also: contemporary mysteries, historical mysteries, speculative mysteries, and speculative noir. Otherwise, I’ve primarily read my usuals: SF, fantasy, and horror. Nothing that’s going to shock anyone, I’m afraid–though much less YA than normal, for some reason or another.

2019 is an all time low for comics. I like them, but I also find I have a hard time keeping up with them. Possibly, I should buy multiple trades at once, or just wait for the inevitable omnibus? This is a problem I also have with novellas. I’m working on it.

2019 also saw a slight dip in non-fiction, dropping from 3 to 2 books a year. Alas. I seek knowledge, and yet I’m so often distracted by MURDER.

Most Read Authors: Dorothy Sayers and T. Kingfisher (3 books each). I’ve mentioned this before on social media, but I definitely have a massive writer crush on T. Kingfisher. I’ve made significant steps this year in my quest to read ALL THE WORDS she’s written. Expect this to continue into 2020.

Favorite New-To-Me Authors: Paul Tremblay, P. Djèlí Clark, and Lily Anderson

And finally . . .

FAVORITE OPENING QUOTE:

After the funeral they came back to the house, now indisputably Mrs. Halloran’s. They stood uneasily, without any certainty, in the large lovely entrance hall, and watched Mrs. Halloran go into the right wing of the house to let Mr. Halloran know that Lionel’s last rites had gone off without melodrama. Young Mrs. Halloran, looking after her mother-in-law, said without hope, “Maybe she will drop dead on the doorstep. Fancy, dear, would you like to see Granny drop dead on the doorstep?”

The Sundial – Shirley Jackson

Because, dear God, Shirley Jackson knew how to begin a story. Every opening paragraph I’ve read by her is the best opening paragraph. Fucking legend.

Honorable Mentions:

“At least he was well dressed. Black tie, tux, the works. If you’re going to get yourself killed, you may as well look your best.” – A Rising Man

When I was younger, I used to play dead. – The Migration

The whistle isn’t jaunty, not Doris Day. It’s low and slow and the actor Bob Cummings would remember its hot zing for some time. – The Song is You

The problem with your best friend dying is that there’s no one to sit with you at funerals. – Undead Girl Gang

Ann’s mother isn’t feeling so good today. – One Bloody Thing After Another

Triple Scoop Reviews: Solo: A Star Wars Story, Stripes, and Love, Simon

Solo: A Star Wars Story

First Watch or Rewatch: First Watch
Amazon, Netflix, Hulu, or Other: Netflix
Spoilers: Yep. Heavily implied spoilers for Rogue One, too.
Grade: Vanilla

So, I finally watched Solo. It was okay, I guess.

On the plus side: Alden Ehreneich is perfectly respectable as Han. I adore Donald Glover as Lando. I am equally obsessed with Lando’s fabulous wardrobe. And I love, just LOVE, Phoebe Waller-Bridge as L3-37. Enfys Nest is super intriguing, and Qi’ra turning out to be Darth Maul’s disciple is . . . . interesting? (Especially since that motherfucker should be dead. Don’t come at me with Clone Wars. Darth Maul got sliced in half and he is DEAD.) Like, I’m into it, but also this twist doesn’t really go anywhere? If we’re setting up for a new Qi’ra-centered prequel–or for Old Qi’ra to return as an important villain in Star Wars IX–I guess that’s one thing, but as is, my reaction was more like, “Okay, cool, and . . .?”

Which, honestly, is a fair representation of how I feel about Solo as a whole. Like, why did we make this? To tell us how Han got his last name? Please. That was some unnecessary bullshit right there. To show us how Cynical Han used to be more trusting and idealistic?

Who really needed that story? Especially since it’s such an obvious story: I felt like I spent most the movie waiting for both Woody Harrelson and Emilia Clarke to double-cross Han. It wasn’t a question of if; mostly, it was just a question of who first. That’s not what I would call awesome narrative tension, which is one of my largest complaints about prequels in general. L3-37’s death is pretty obvious from the get-go, too, because she–like every character in Rogue One–isn’t around for the later films. Also, am I the only person who’s upset that Han took the Millennium Falcon? Like, I know Lando cheated the card game and all, and, sure, later left them to die (I cheered, BTW), but still, whether it was romantic love or otherwise, Lando obviously cared a lot about L3-37. The last of her knowledge–her essence, so to speak–was put into that ship . . . and then he doesn’t even end up with it? WHAT MONSTER IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS?

Also, I can’t help but note that Lando grieved more for L3-37 than anyone did for Thandie Newton, and for Christ’s sake, how the fuck do you cast Thandie Newton in your movie and do that little with her? I don’t care how busy she was with Westworld; this is a HUGE waste of her talent, and I am feeling deeply salty about it. In fact, if this film were to be remade to my satisfaction? You kill off Woody, not Thandie: he’s a bigger name, so his cameo death is actually more of a shock; more importantly, Val’s antagonistic chemistry with Han would be a much more interesting dynamic to watch, especially as they reluctantly grow to depend upon and like one another. After that, you can go one of two ways: Val, like Beckett, could betray Han (which I suspect would be more surprising), or she could step up to join the Rebellion with Enfys Nest, while Han, burned by Qi’ra, turns away from all that. I actually think the latter could have a lot of emotional punch, and the only thing I’d regret losing is the scene where Han shoots Beckett. I did genuinely enjoy that moment.

And if you do go with the latter, there’s  clearly only one course of action: an immediate sequel to this prequel, in which Val and Enfys go up against Qi’ra in an epic showdown. (Hopefully using this song because it’s also pretty goddamn epic, if not a little . . . odd . . . when paired with the train heist scene.)

Stripes

First Watch or Rewatch: First Watch
Amazon, Netflix, Hulu, or Other: Netflix
Spoilers: I mean, yeah, technically? It’s a comedy from 1981, though, so . . .
Grade: Strawberry

Yes, this really is the first time I’ve ever watched Stripes. It’s . . . also okay?

Look, here’s my confession: Bill Murray’s shtick doesn’t always work for me. I mean, sometimes it does! But other times, not so much, and while I understand I should’ve spontaneously burst into flames just for daring to commit such blasphemy to the written word, like, dude’s built a career out of playing snarky little assholes. And while I’m generally down for the “snark” part of that equation, the asshole part? Don’t always love it. Which is a long-winded way of explaining that for every Murray line that makes me laugh in Stripes, there are two more that make me wanna punch him in the face. Freaking out the rich lady who was a snotty jerk to him, for example? Sure, no problem. Causing a huge backup on the bridge (plus at least one accident) just to get back at the rich lady, and, I don’t know, The Man? Dude, fuck you. I was glad when John’s GF left him, just like I was glad when Hulka punched him in the stomach.

Worse, John never actually grows or develops or learns anything. There’s a part where he steps up, I guess, but it doesn’t seem like he’s changed in any meaningful way. In fact, we know he hasn’t, because immediately after said step-up moment, he fucks off to Germany in a stolen Army SUV to have some weekend sex with his GF, inadvertently getting the rest of his unit captured when they go after him. John’s character arc is less of an arc than a flat line, and the movie–while occasionally funny–seems pretty directionless as a whole.

That all being said, certain scenes did make me laugh. The whole dance/drill sequence at graduation was pretty great. I was giggling during the creaking bones and push-ups scene (I’m 33; it’s relatable content), as well as when Russell (Harold Ramis) attacked Bill Murray for trying to desert. And I had a great time playing spot-the-actor. I mean, my God, this cast. I was particularly delighted to see a young John Larroquette playing against type, not to mention a cameo by Baby Danny Concannon. (I was excited about PJ Soles for a hot second, too, until she pretty much just transformed back into Lynda from Halloween, all giggly in love with John for God knows what reason.)

So, it’s okay. It’s just that, all in all, I would’ve been completely fine if John Winger had blown up during basic training and the movie had switched to focus on Sean Young, instead.

Love, Simon

First Watch or Rewatch: First Watch
Amazon, Netflix, Hulu, or Other: Other (HBO)
Spoilers: Yup, for both book and movie
Grade: Chocolate

I actually read this book (or, rather, Simon vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda) last year and had, per usual, every intention of seeing the movie in theaters as well. For once, I’m so grateful I failed to do that. Not because I didn’t enjoy the movie; I absolutely did, but I was also not counting on the cringe factor being this high, like, JFC. I just spent two hours hiding behind my hands, taking off my headphones, muting the volume on my computer, lowering the screen of my laptop, and otherwise literally squirming in my seat. The sheer awkwardness, people. I’m fucking twitching over here.

Moving past that. Overall, I thought Love, Simon was a pretty great teen comedy: hilarious, cute, very often moving. I do have some disappointments: while I understood (and even liked) many of the adaptational changes, I’m not totally crazy that Leah secretly loves Simon now, rather than Nick. It feels a little . . . cliche? Unnecessary? I just didn’t love it, although I will admit that Movie Leah, who is considerably less passive aggressive and jealous than Book Leah, was a welcome change. I’m also pretty bummed that Bram didn’t get a bigger moment at the end of the movie, like, him joining Simon on the Ferris wheel is great and all, but their actual scene together feels pretty rushed. The story spends all this time on the mystery of Who is Blue, but once we find out it’s Keiynan Lonsdale, we only get, like, fifteen seconds with him, and then the movie’s over. I find it disappointing. (Especially because I like Lonsdale, damn it.)

Still, this movie is laugh out loud funny and has a spectacular cast. Nick Robinson is not at all who I pictured for Simon–honestly, I was thinking of Miles Heizer, who plays a smaller part in the film–but he does a pretty decent job with the role. Despite my frustrations with Leah’s storyline, I like Katherine Langford quite a bit. I also really enjoyed the hell out of Alexandra Shipp: she has a lot of energy, a lot of presence, and I’m looking forward to seeing more from her outside the painfully dull X-Men movies. And as far as the adults go, well, Tony Hale is absolute perfect as the awkward vice principal, I would legit watch a whole spinoff about Natasha Rothwell as Ms. Albright, and Jennifer Garner and Josh Duhamel are great as Simon’s parents. Garner, in particular, stands out here. Not gonna lie: I definitely cried at her “exhale” speech, like, Jesus, that shit got me.

Of course, this movie both is and isn’t your typical high school romcom; proving once again that Hollywood moves at the pace of a dead turtle, Love, Simon is our first mainstream gay teen romance. It’s a lot of hope and expectation to hang on a single film, and I suspect not everyone’s gonna get what they wanted out of it. For my part, though, I really liked this one. And hopefully, we actually follow this up with more LGBTQIA films soon, especially if they focus on some of those letters that get a little less attention.

The Big TV Recap: Umbrella Academy, Russian Doll, Shadowhunters, Killing Eve, and One Day At A Time

Lately, I’ve been ignoring pretty much every movie in my queue (not to mention my TOS recaps) in favor of binge watching non-Star Trek-related TV. That’s not particularly unusual for me, but it has meant I’ve been thinking all these random, pop culture thoughts without anywhere to express them in my characteristically lengthy and over-analytical fashion.

So, I figured I’d take some time to discuss the handful of TV shows I’ve been (sometimes obsessively) watching over the past few months. I did consider stacking them against one another, even adding a couple of flavors to my Triple Scoop Rating System–Mint Chocolate Chip would be the lowest of the low–but then it just seemed like work, so. Meh.

The Umbrella Academy

Netflix GIF by The Umbrella Academy - Find & Share on GIPHY

Amazon, Netflix, Hulu, or Other: Netflix
Seasons: 1
Adapted Material: Yes, a comic book series
Have I Read It: Nope. Always meant too, but nope
Spoilers: YES

Man, this show is all over the place. Some of it I really like. The basic premise (Potential murder mysteries! Child superheroes becoming bitter adults! Stopping the apocalypse together like a family!) really works for me. Also, I am–and forever will be–obsessed with mediums and their dead partners-in-crime, so I pretty much had to like Klaus despite myself. (But seriously, more Ben, please!) I was honestly surprised by how much I cared about Diego’s relationship with Robot Mom, and some of the shows’s overall weirdness worked well. Cha-Cha and Hazel in their masks, for example. Or the dance scene to Tiffany’s “I Think We’re Alone Now,” which I’ve rewatched, like, four times at least.

Still, I definitely struggled with The Umbrella Academy. Vanya was the source of much of my frustration, despite the fact that I like Ellen Page just fine in the role. It just takes so long for her storyline to progress in any interesting way, and even when it does, like, it’s still pretty obvious how it’s going to go. Of course she’s going to develop powers, and of course those powers are going to cause the apocalypse. Her annoying love interest/bad guy only makes things worse for me. He isn’t charming or likable enough to buy into Vanya’s insta love for him; I do not care that he’s supposedly the only person who’s ever paid her attention. (Maybe because I just don’t quite buy that, either? That bit irks me for reasons I’m having trouble articulating.) I was so grateful when she finally killed him, but still, that took how many episodes? Meanwhile, Vanya’s snap to the dark side somehow manages to feel rushed, like Luther locking her up was obviously a bad call, but she had just slit her sister’s throat, so, it didn’t seem entirely unreasonable? More importantly, it felt like she was imprisoned for all of twenty minutes before she suddenly went all Possess-Y Blue Eyes, and I just never bought that transition. It’s not the only storyline where the pacing bothers me (even Cha-Cha and Hazel, who I generally enjoy, seem to fizzle in the back half of the season), but it’s easily the one that bores me the most.

Also, I can’t get past the feeling that The Umbrella Academy is just trying WAY too hard to be, like, So Different, So Weird, So Buzzworthy. Which, it really doesn’t need to do. When your story includes a talking chimpanzee butler, you don’t have to try that hard. And yet so many of the music choices and fight scenes just feel like they’re screaming for attention. Some of them I genuinely enjoyed, but others kept throwing me out of the story.

I don’t regret watching the show at all, but I’m also pretty relieved to have a break from it, too. I’ll probably check out the second season–assuming it gets renewed–but I suspect I won’t be counting the seconds till its return, either.

Russian Doll

Warning Natasha Lyonne GIF by NETFLIX - Find & Share on GIPHY

Amazon, Netflix, Hulu, or Other: Netflix
Seasons: 1
Adapted Material: Nope
Spoilers: Some. Nothing the trailer doesn’t tell you, but I’d still recommend skipping the first paragraph if you haven’t seen the show yet.

I’m a huge sucker for a time loop–particularly in television–so obviously, I had to watch this show where Nadia (Natasha Lyonne) keeps dying over and over on her 36th birthday. For the most part, I really enjoyed Russian Doll. The first couple of episodes didn’t fully grab me, but I quickly got on board once Alan came into the picture. The dynamic between him and Nadia really interested me, and of course, adding a second person to a time loop is just goddamn cool.

The further you get into Russian Doll, the more it starts punching you in the face with emotions, rather than just a string of wacky death sequences. To be clear, I absolutely do not object to wacky death sequences at all. Still, I feel like the show doesn’t fully come together until you really get the Feels in the second half. It wasn’t a big problem for me, though: each episode is about half an hour, I think, and there are, what, eight episodes total? So, not a big time commitment. That’s a glorious goddamn feeling.

Both Natasha Lyonne and Charlie Barnett are fantastic in this, and the ending of the show is perfectly, beautifully bittersweet. I know there’s already been talk about making more seasons (as an anthology show, maybe) but personally, I kind of hope they just keep this as a one-and-done. Even without answering everything, it already feels very complete.

Shadowhunters

Amazon, Netflix, Hulu, or Other: Hulu (by way of Freeform)
Seasons: 3. Well, 2 and 1/2. 3B airs in just a few days.
Adapted Material: Yes, Christ, yes. There are so many books and companion books it’s hard to keep track. Also, a 2013 film I never saw.
Have I Read It: Nope. Some interest in The Magnus Bane Chronicles, though.
Spoilers: Some, yes. Nothing that should ruin the show for you.

My latest obsession and guilty pleasure, even though I’m not wild about that term. Still, I can’t help but feel it applies here because there is SO MUCH I want to fix. I can easily forgive the shitty special effects because, hey, there’s a charm to low budget SFX (though, admittedly, the first season is particularly charming in that regard, even for Freeform), but Clary, the primary lead, mostly annoys me, and the initial love triangle between her, Simon, and Jace is so awful, oh my God. I would like this show 170% better if I hadn’t had to deal with two seasons of that crap.

That all being said, if you like urban fantasy, positive queer representation, and/or attractive people, there’s a fair bit to like here. I enjoy the general concept of the world: the angelic rune magic is pretty cool, if not terribly consistent (often a problem with TV, especially SF/F), I really enjoy the warlock marks (Madzie’s gills are the BEST), and I’m a sucker for a psychic soul bond (though I’d kill to see some lady parabatais on this show). Some good side characters, too: Maia (Alisha Wainwright), a werewolf bartender studying marine biology, is such a badass, and Luke (Isaiah Mustafa) is a hot, werewolf, ex-Shadowhunter, father-figure type and homicide detective, so, yeah, I’m okay with that.

And, of course, Magnus and Alec own my fucking soul. #Malec4Life

Like, I’m not gonna lie, kids: there’s some serious aesthetic appeal going on here. Matthew Daddario has pretty eyes, a great smile, and is stupidly tall, while you don’t get much more my type than Harry Shum Jr. in dark eye makeup and fabulous jackets. But I genuinely love these characters, too, and the chemistry between them: Magnus is a sassy, dangerous warlock with a heart of gold, so, OBVIOUSLY, I love him, and in my own way, I actually relate pretty hard to wary, repressed Alec, especially in the first season as he struggles to accept himself and understand who he is and what he actually wants. And like I said, the queer rep is pretty decent: for main players, Alec is gay, Magnus is bi, and Raphael is asexual (canonically and briefly discussed in scene, though unfortunately, no one uses the actual word). Meanwhile, there are multiple minor LGBTQ+ characters, too, namely, Ollie, Aline, and Underhill.

I know this show isn’t for everyone, but damn, I’m enjoying it right now. Which is why I’m extremely bummed that I only discovered it right before its final season.

Killing Eve

Amazon, Netflix, Hulu, or Other: Hulu (by way of BBC America)
Seasons: 1
Adapted Material: Yes, a series of novels
Have I Read It: Nope. I’m really starting to feel like I’m letting my fellow readers down
Spoilers: Surprisingly, no

Here’s something kind of funny: the first thing I saw Sandra Oh in wasn’t a movie or a TV show but a play. I had the extremely unlikely opportunity to see The House of Bernada Alba in LA when I was a teenager, and Oh played Adela, the youngest daughter. (And holy shit, I had NO IDEA that Tsai Chin was in it until just now. Chita Rivera, I knew, but Tsai Chin? Damn it, why didn’t I REALIZE?) If I’m being honest, I don’t remember much about the play itself, other than the fact that I liked it, but Sandra Oh herself left a big impression on me, so much so that I remembered her name years later when I saw promos for Grey’s Anatomy and thought, Wait, is that . .  holy shit, it IS. Sandra Oh is the primary reason I decided to check out Grey’s Anatomy in the first place, and she’s definitely the main reason I decided to finally check out Killing Eve.

People who have not yet watched this show: start watching this show. It’s macabrely funny and touching and violent and weird, all in a way that a TV show starring two female leads rarely gets the opportunity to be. Honestly, cat and mouse has never actually been one of my favorite dynamics (maybe because it often feels so tired?), but to watch Sandra Oh and Jodie Comer in that particular dynamic is just sort of breathtaking. It all just feels so new.

Clearly, I don’t need to sing the praises of Oh, between that opening paragraph and her winning every award under the sun, but Jodie Comer is equally magnetic as Villanelle, and I’d really like to see her garner some nominations next year, too. And the whole supporting cast is also great: Kirby Howell-Baptiste, who I fell in love with on The Good Place, is fantastic here and hopefully gets more to do in second season. Fiona Shaw is wonderfully, gloriously strange, and I really enjoy Sean Delaney as Kenny, too. Really, if we could just kill off Eve’s husband sooner rather than later, I’d pretty much be all set.

One Day at a Time

Amazon, Netflix, Hulu, or Other: Netflix
Seasons: 3
Adapted Material: No, but it’s a remake
Have I Seen the Original: No. It aired a full decade before I was born.
Spoilers: Some, yes, but only in the fourth paragraph

No one who knows me, I think, would be hugely shocked to discover that I like shows about dysfunctional families and time travel and apocalypses, or obsessed lady serial killers and MI-6 agents. Time loops and angelic magic probably wouldn’t surprise them, either. But One Day at a Time is definitely unusual for me: for one, it’s a sitcom with a live audience, for another, it absolutely delights in making you cry. Neither of these things are my personal TV sweet spot.

However, after several glowing recommendations online, I decided to check out the show last year, and I’m so glad I did because I fucking love One Day at a Time. I won’t lie: it did take me a bit to get used to the laughter (it’s not canned, anyway?), and the first few minutes, I don’t know. The jokes felt forced. But that got better pretty quickly, and by the end of the first season, ODAAT had completely won me over. The show pulls off the rare trick of being genuinely funny while also being topical and heartfelt. Real life issues are regularly brought up without coming across as simplistic or preachy. And seriously, the show consistently kicks your heart in the ass without being manipulative. It’s all pretty impressive.

Everyone in the cast is spectacular, but Justina Machado and Rita Moreno are particularly fantastic. People. They are SO GOOD. I cannot tell you how angry I am that neither have gotten an Emmy nod for this show yet. (And probably won’t, unfortunately. I had a bad feeling about this show’s chances of renewal even before Wednesday’s hashtag. Though, obviously, I would be delighted to be proven wrong.)

ODAAT’s third season aired a few weeks ago, and it’s just as good as the previous two, with some amazing guest stars (Gloria Estefan, Stephanie Beatriz, Melissa Fumero, Alan Ruck, etc.) and some outstanding storylines. Schneider falling off the wagon wasn’t hard to see coming, but I was impressed with how well that whole arc was handled; not to mention, it was really interesting to see Todd Grinnell in a more dramatic role. I desperately love, too, how Elena continues to have issues with her father after his total dick move at her quinceañera, that moving forward isn’t just a snap of the fingers. In particular, I really like the show’s acknowledgment that she shouldn’t have to do all the work in repairing their relationship. That’s big for me. And, of course, I’m happy about the positive queer rep here, too. (Though this isn’t specific to third season.) Elena is a lesbian and Syd (her SO, or Syd-nificant Other) is NB.

Like I said, I wouldn’t be terribly surprised if ODAAT gets cancelled. And, I suppose, the third season at least ends on a solid, positive note–but still, there’s a lot more story to tell here, more laughter and more tears and more dramatic entrances from Lydia. If you haven’t watched this show yet, I’m pretty much begging you to check it out. #SaveODAAT #AllMyLovesGetAxed

2018 Book Superlatives, Part II

Well, it’s the second week of the new year. How’s everyone feeling? My resolutions aren’t going terribly so far: I’ve made some solid writing progress, begun work on vacation plans, finally braved the hair clippers I bought months ago, and even ate some peas! (Okay, that last one sounds less than momentous, but we’re doing a vegetable challenge this year, and we’re easing our way into it.)

Enough about all that, though. It’s time for the 2018 Book Superlatives, Part II!

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The Great Book Superlatives of 2018, Part I

The time has come for, you guessed it, exactly what it says in the header: BOOK SUPERLATIVES.

This year, however, I’m shortening these rather drastically. Don’t worry; that still means I’ll use about 3,000 words more than necessary; a new year heralds change and all, but not, like, that much change.

In Part I, you’ll find important literary awards such as Best Christmas Story, Book I’d Most Like To See As a Movie, and–of course–my Top Ten of the Year. As always, feel free to leave your own favorites in the comments; I’d love to hear some recommendations, especially if they come with a side of muuurder.

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The 2017 Book Superlatives, Part I

Well, here’s the sad truth: I’ve pretty much given up on posting any 2017 movie superlatives. I really didn’t watch that many movies last year, and I reviewed even less. (Can you believe I never even managed to write about The Lego Batman Movie? I’m still bummed about that.) More importantly, though, I’m just anxious to move forward with the new year, rather than spend the rest of the month feverishly writing yet another retrospective. 2017 sucked. I’m really done with it.

Except. I did manage to read a fair amount of books last year. Thus what I have for you today: the 2017 Book Superlatives, Numero Uno.

Let’s just get right to it, shall we?

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Story Publication: Secrets at Strange Horizons

In writing news today: I have a story out at Strange Horizons!

A few things you may or may not find interesting:

A. “Three May Keep a Secret” is a YA story with a questioning bisexual protagonist and her new hipster bestie.

B. It’s also a ghost story. I like to think it’s a little creepy.

C. I’m a little nervous about this one. Okay, I’m a lot nervous. There are a couple of reasons for that: one, the story deals with some sensitive material that I’m hoping isn’t harmful to any readers. (Appropriate trigger warnings can be found at the link.)

It’s also a story that’s probably gone through, like, 57 different revisions. I think it’s a much better story for it and, honestly, I’m pretty proud of how it’s turned out But this one didn’t come easy, and that also makes me a bit nail bite-y.

D. Finally, a random line that tells you basically nothing at all:

“Shit, there’s not even a candy store for 70 miles.” He crosses his arms. “This town is bullshit.”

Hope you enjoy!

A New Story At Lightspeed, Award Eligibility, And Recommended Short Fiction of 2016

It’s that time of the year again: the Awards Eligibility post–otherwise known as the Nominate Me Because You Like Me, You REALLY Like Me post–as well as My Favorite Short Fiction Recs of 2016. We’ll begin with my own award-eligible work first, because it’s a much, much shorter list.

I had two stories come out this year; amusingly, they turned out to be perfect bookends. “The Elixir of the Not-So-Disgusting Death Smell” was published in January at Mothership Zeta, and I’m crazy happy it’s there–I wrote the very first draft of this story years and years ago, and other than being the story that got me into Clarion West, it’s also the story that helped Young Carlie decide to focus on writing the kind of work she actually liked to read, namely speculative fiction. If romantic comedies with mad science, zombie hijinks, and Girl Scout cookies are your thing, then this might be a story worth checking out.

If you’re inclined to read only one of my stories, though–and who could blame you, time is short and there is SO MUCH good work out there–I’d actually push for “Every Day is The Full Moon,” which just came out today in Lightspeed.

lightspeed-cover

I’m pretty proud of this one. We’ll see if that pride takes a hit after I read reviews or not (although I’m happy to say I’ve got at least one awesome one at Quick Sip Reviews), but regardless, this piece means a lot to me. It’s a YA story about girl friendships and abuse dynamics and what the power of love actually means. It also has werewolves, fairies, demons, Valkyries, and a bunch of other neat stuff. Because I’m an honest soul, I feel I should tell you upfront that this story is written in 2nd person POV, if that’s something you absolutely can’t stand. But also because I’m trying to balance low self esteem with an honest assessment of my skills, I’ll also tell you that I’m actually pretty decent at writing in the 2nd person.

Now. As far as everyone else’s work goes, I’ve compiled a list of my 10 + 1 Favorite Short Stories that I’ve read this year. They aren’t ordered in any meaningful way whatsoever, and I’m referring to the list as “10 + 1” rather than “11” because . . . well, because I read fanfiction, and that’s just the kind of mood I’m in–although I suppose you could look at this list as a compilation of my Favorite 10 Standalone Stories + 1 Series Starter.

Regardless. If you haven’t read these stories, I highly recommend checking them out.

10 + 1 Favorite Short Stories (or Novelettes) of 2016

1. “This is Not A Wardrobe Door” – A. Merc Rustad – Fireside

I’m hard-pressed to think of a more charming or optimistic story, which is something I think most of us could use these days. The ending is just what I’d hoped it would be, even though I didn’t actually expect it. Also, there’s a little bit of shade thrown at Narnia, which I can’t help but approve of.

Dear Gatekeeper,
Hi my name is Ellie and I’m six years old and my closet door is broken. 

2. “How To Host A Haunted House Murder Mystery Party” – A.C. Wise (Bourbon Penn)

I just loved this story. I loved everything about it: it’s simultaneously both witty and melancholy, meta and elegant, not to mention a clever, gothic spin on some of my favorite tropes, like strangers invited to haunted houses or dinner parties with murder. By coincidence, I read this story a few days after watching Clue for the, oh, 112th time, which I think made this reading especially delightful.

Invite extra guests. Invite at least one person liable to turn up late. Provide at least one guest with the wrong address so they become lost along the way. They will consider themselves lucky, once all is said and done. Every tale needs a survivor.

3. “A Menagerie of Grief” – Kelly Sandoval – Flash Fiction Online

Just lovely. A perfect exploration of grief, and how it can be highly individualistic, how it can tear people apart or slowly push them back together.

They didn’t get along, Shane’s pretty little dog and my great ugly dragon. It was the dog’s fault. The way it pranced at Shane’s heels, so clean and appropriate, while my pain smoldered in the living room, curled around the couch where I’d taken to sleeping, its breath fogging up the windows. At night, the dog whined for hours. I could hear it pacing the bedroom, scratching at the door. Was it already trying to leave him? Maybe he only kept his grief for my sake. For the show of it.

4. “And In Our Daughters, We Find A Voice” – Cassandra Khaw – The Dark

A violent and gorgeous Little Mermaid retelling. This is the first thing I’ve read by Cassandra Khaw, and, yeah, definitely not gonna be the last.

My sisters die voiceless in a froth of red foam, gasping mouths and gaping eyes, no different from common fish.

5. “Blackpool” – Sarah Brooks – Shimmer

Disclaimer: Sarah is my friend, so, objectivity, or whatever.

Sarah’s prose is just so goddamn elegant; I was in constant awe/envy of her work when we were at Clarion West together, and, happily for me, “Blackpool” is my favorite of her CW stories. I’m so happy it found a good home at Shimmer because it is well worth a read.

The Detective seals the tears into a little plastic bag. When he examines them later he finds that they are genuine. He takes out a tear and places it on his cheek. It is cool on his skin.

6. “Once I, Rose” – A. Merc Rustad – Daily Science Fiction

The best Valentine’s Day story, ever. Short, wonderful, and romantic as hell.

Attempted Methods Of Communication Thus Far:

* Shedding petals into the words HELP ME. [Too difficult to arrange with no hands.]
* Pricking every finger that touches me; someone must realize I am not a rose. [People are imperceptive.]
* Asking the bees to carry my message to someone. Anyone. [Humans understand bees poorly.]
* Thinking your name as loud as I can, remembering how we said we would always recognize each other’s ghosts.

7. “A Spell to Retrieve Your Lover From the Bottom of the Sea” – Ada Hoffman – Strange Horizons

Also romantic, although differently. This is a lovely story with gorgeous imagery and a reminder to accept that not every battle is yours to conquer.

“Tell me the future,” you will say to your runes, but they will not quite tell you that. Instead you will cast them, again and again, and each future you see will be different.

8. “The Opening of the Bayou Saint John” – Shawn Scarber – Strange Horizons

I love the mythology here, this strange, fantastical world that’s been created out of the eerie swamps of New Orleans. Wonderful imagery and structure.

I grab the sharecropper by her dress and hold her. She fights to break away from my grip, but I am no woman. I may appear as a woman. Many a man has foolishly approached me as though I am eligible for their affections. But I am a thing. I am made of the swamps and dead sparrows and all the sorrows that wash up on the bank of the Mississippi.

9. “A Call to Arms for Deceased Authors’ Rights” – Karin Tidbeck – Uncanny

If you ever wished the term “ghostwriting” was a bit more literal, this is the story for you. Clever and enjoyable, particularly for writers.

As for the ghostwriters: writing for a corpse is traumatizing. You can’t just make someone do that and then chuck them into the street without helping them process the experience.

10. “Superior” – Jessica Lack – The Book Smugglers

Just a really cute YA, M/M romance between a superhero’s intern and a supervillain’s apprentice. I especially like how no one’s straight-up evil, even the characters you’d expect to be. And despite the word count (almost novella length), the story just flies by. Solid comfort read.

“Kidnapping a minor seems pretty bad.”
“Um, dude, all kidnapping is bad,” I say. “So is creating killer chimps using the cosmic power of Neptune.”
“Jupiter.”
“Whatever.”
Tad is adamant. “I had to do four hours of research. It’s the power of Jupiter.”

(Plus One): “Hurricane Heels” – Isabel Yap – The Book Smugglers

This is actually a series of five interconnected stories, but I’m specifically highlighting the first one, partially because picking multiple stories is cheating, but also because the first one is easily my favorite. “Hurricane Heels” is about a bachelorette party that goes right to hell, and it celebrates what’s best in life: girl friendships and fighting monsters and jewelry that turns into weapons! My inner 12-year-old Sailor Moon fan is so stoked right now.

In hindsight, we should have expected things would go to shit. Like always. But it was Friday and Selena was getting married, and we wanted to drink and dance and not blow up monsters for one night.

Happy reading!