Tag Archives: You Are Not A Tough Girl

“He Who Controls Spice Controls The Universe!”

A few months ago, as you may or may not remember, I took part in the Clarion West Write-a-Thon. Donors could purchase a movie review, should they opt to do so, and a man named Tom did. Here is everything … Continue reading

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“Shit Happens? That’s It? That’s What I Get? Fucking Wisdom?”

So, I’m a quitter. If I decide I don’t want to do something anymore, or it just isn’t worth my time, I’m done. I’m not terribly ashamed of this almost-certain character flaw, but it does sometimes come with devastating consequences, like when … Continue reading

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“I’m Not the Bad Guy.”

Netflix’s Daredevil comes out tomorrow and nerds ’round the world are pretty jazzed about it — all except me, it seems. Don’t get me wrong: I do plan to watch the series. I even figure I’ll probably like it, assuming all the buzz … Continue reading

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“Wow, You’re a Winner, Ain’t Ya?”

Halloween is my favorite holiday of the year. You get to dress up in fun costumes, have an excuse to eat junk food that you were going to eat anyway, and watch a bunch of scary movies. Also, it’s not … Continue reading

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“IT HAS BEGUN!”

Obsessively watching Teen Wolf and Sheriff Johnny Cage reminded me of something last week: I have never actually written a review for Mortal Kombat. Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, yes. But Mortal Kombat itself? Nope. This is one of my favorite guilty pleasure movies ever. Keep … Continue reading

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“Just Fix My Body . . . And Leave My Soul to Me.”

Sometimes, I’m lazy. Okay, often I’m lazy. And when my sister watches a movie without me — especially when it’s one I have no interest in at all — I’m like, hey, why don’t you write a review of that? … Continue reading

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“I Don’t Think You Understand. I Marched Against the NRA.”

You ever stick with something for so long that, even though it’s sucked for years, you feel compelled to continue with it until the bitter end, just to see how it all turns out? Yeah. Try to ignore that compulsion. … Continue reading

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“While You Were Still Learning How to Spell Your Name, I Was Being Trained to Conquer Galaxies!”

All right, folks. The Day of Reckoning has come. Some of you may remember that I failed last year’s horror film challenge and, as a result, invited you to choose my punishment movie. You chose Battlefield Earth because you’re horrible monsters, … Continue reading

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“Well, I Can Respect Your Opinion. Sadly, I’m Not Good at Rejection. I’m Afraid You’ll Have to Die.”

The worst thing about not being a professional movie critic is that it doesn’t matter how much time you spend working a review—you could write your little heart and soul out, bleed yourself dry, and you’re still not getting paid. … Continue reading

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“Arrogance Is Not a Uniquely American Trait, But You Do It Better Than Most.”

I finally saw Captain America: The First Avenger last week. I’ve never been a gigantic Captain America fan, so I really didn’t think I had any expectations going in. And yet, somehow, I still managed to find it disappointing.

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